 The Shaffer Journal
Volume 7 Issue 8 August 2001
[Internet Stuff] [Hockey Puck] [Guest Meows! Cat Chat 1 2 3 4]
[The Mountains of Ao] [Poetry Corner] [The Dull Stuff] [Guest Articles] [In The Keys]
Kitty Talk
These journals are dedicated to Kitty GreyCat's spirit. She is at RainBow Bridge now. We all loved you, Kitty! Click the cat graphic to visit her Memorial page. Kitty born June 6, 1982. Died July 9, 1997.
 This is Ebony. Oh, meow, we got a good journal again. We seem to always have good journals. We love to repeat ourselves, because the good things bare repeating like catnip, catnaps, and cat toys. Meow! I just love my scratching block. The scratching block used to belong to dear Kitty, but now I use it every day. That Abby she only likes bark fings. I like them too, but they only outside, you nose? Meow! I like outside water causing it hotter than two lizards what lost their tales causing I ate them. hehe... So anymeow, here is our furrtastic journal for another fine month in this wonderful year and century and even that millennium fing. This is Abby. I like stuffers too, but I don't like our annual vet visit. I yeowed and yeowed. Ebony growled and growled. It was over quickly. At least it only a year betwixt visits. I so stressed out that I got two hot spots on my neck. Yucky. I got the sock to keep me from scritching and scratching meshelf. Oh, meow, sigh. On top of all that human bean moved our grocery sack to the bedroom. That made all the difference. Me and Ebony been playing in it all hours of the day and night. Human bean minded a lot when we wake him. I not mind though. The grocery sack is like a cave. I got lots of caves in our trailer, the basement, the cabinets, under fings, over fings, in fings, and just about everywhere. This is Ebony. That Abby can meow a bunch about nothing, can't she? I got more important stuffers to meow about, I do. Me and Abby not normally interested in TV causing human bean watching hokey hockey, but once he had Animal Planet on about cats in the Roman Forum. Then we perked up and watching intently. I even try to get into the TV, but it not let me in. The sounds the cats make perk up our ears. I watch when cats chase prey and boids. Oooohhh, that was furry interesting. When cats mating, we got quizzical like. And kittens are nasty fings, I meow. When the show changed to monkeys, me and Abby went to take a long catnap. We not interested in monkeys, you nose? This is Abby. Speaking of monkeys, I throw up a lot. It all that grass I eat and the fur I ingest. Bean not like to clean it up, but what can I do? Then it rain, rain, thunder, rain, lightning, rain, skeeters flying, rain, double dawg barking, bow wow. Meowing about bow wows, me and Ebony emailed Reggie and Koko dawgs what write articles in The Key West Citizen. Since me and Ebony write this journal, pawing and clawing every word, we thunk that emailing some dawgs would be just the fing, but they nebber even wrote back. Just like some dumb mutt snotty dawgs, I meow! Internet Stuff
Greetings and blessings, we have moved the Prayer Warriors form and page to our domain. The old URL of http://geocities.com/les_novelist/webdoc1.htm is just a redirect page now. The new URL at our domain is http://RunesofAo.com/roa/webdoc1.htm. You can request prayer anytime. You may apply to be part of our group as well. Prayer Warriors is for you and yours. We are a rather large group now, but we have been and continue to be successful. We have experienced miracles and sorrows. Of course, if you either request prayer and/or join our group as a Prayer Warrior, your email address is protected as always. Here are some interesting URLs that you might want to investigate. http://www.onelook.com/ is OneLook Dictionaries. You enter your word, and the website searches for the word across the many different dictionary resources on the Internet. We've added more companies to our bad or good companies list, which can be viewed at http://RunesofAo.com/roa/bitbucket.htm, which includes that terrible and evil Transamerica and AT&T. We have a bunch of new content at our domain. http://RunesofAo.com/roa/webdoc151.htm which is our photo gallery and http://RunesofAo.com/roa/webdoc2.htm which is our How to Write and Other tips area. In The Keys
We are still boating. Snorkeling, swimming, fishing, reading, exploring, barracuda, eagle rays, Boot Key, Dockside, Sister's Creek, Sombrero Reef, Moser Channel, Knight's Key Channel, Molasses Keys, Rachel Bank and Keys, with friends from all over like Ed, Buddy, John, Michael and family. We towed a family to their dock in the canals and even managed to get back out in the rain. Phil says we need a newer used motor. That and the truck, the emergency room, medicine, and the vet visit all cost money that we don't have. Yet that is the American way. Easy come, easy go, and life goes on. On top of all that, the swimming pool is still loads of fun. Speaking of fun, what a fourth of July. I had to bike to work. Papa John's delivered two pizzas. I was too full. There was a wonderful fireworks show. Then there was all the people observing the festivities from the bridge. That is Boot Key Bridge, of course. You know, the bridge is hard work. It is a lot of up and down. Miscellany: John fixed my washer machine knob with some fantastic super glue. I got a great book on the Key's environment from Michael and his family. Now when people ask me what kind of bird, plant, or fish that is, I can show them the book. I managed to get Urinary Tract Infection one week and prostatitis the next week. Medicine seems to be chasing those demons away. Last and definitely least is the 365 kilowatt hours that I thought the electric meter recorded. I just knew that my fifth wheel travel trailer could not use that much electricity in two days even with everything on. Before I turned Roseanne loose on the electric company, I checked my figures. Of course, I had made a 300 kilowatt hour error. What a miscalculation! Two days and the spiny lobsters have the park full of people and boats. As long as people behave and don't take more than their legal share of bugs, then all is well. Yet there are those few who take more than they are allowed. The commercial fishing fleet that supports many families is affected by such blatant disregard for the delicate Key's environment. Some want to do away with this intense two-day fun fest, but what we need is better enforcement of the rules. Maybe a little safety training on boating might be extremely helpful as well. The news was full of swamped boats, floating snorkelers too far from their boats, and boat wakes almost drowning children. When this season of tickling lobsters is over, we can look forward to lobster and crab buoy dodging. The waters will be chock full of traps and the buoys that mark their location. It is just too much fun and adventure here in paradise. Guest Meows!
 This is Larry for Ariel. She and her three cats, Atom, Dinky, and Emily, gave us some wonderful Cat Chat articles this month. [Harry is at Rainbow Bridge now.] We are gratified that we can offer this regular article about some wonderful cats and their human beans with visits by a dragon! Please visit the Memorial Page for Ariel's mother. Click the cat wagging its tail graphic to visit their net home. Thank you. Now here is Chester the dragon, Atom, Dinky, and Emily with Cat Chat: Cat Chat 07-06-01
R E S P E C T
Emily saunters into the room, wagging her tail and bobbing her head: R E S P E C T, find out what it means to me, R E S P E C T, watch out T C B...
Chester: What on earth are you doing??
Emily: Singing, ub course, what does it sound like?
Atom: Is dat what yous calls it? Me's heard lotsa singin round here, but it neber sounded like dat! Dat sounds like screechin, me meow! Heehee!
Emily: Shut up, yous! I habs a bootiful voice! (starts singing again) What you need, yous nose I gots it, alls I's askin fur is a little respect...
Chester: I'm glad you're in such a good mood, Em...
Atom: Fur a change!
Chester: But I can't help wonder what brought this on. I've never heard you...um...sing before. What's up?
Emily: Aren't yous listnin to da words? It's all bout R E S P E C T respect, which is what I gots now!
Atom: Yous do? Where do yous get spect from? Me neber heard ub dat stuffers. Is it good to eat?
Dinky: Me neber heard ub it neider, but me hab a bad feelin dat me nose what she be meowin bout!
Emily: Mweeheehee! Respect isn't something to eat, stupid kitten, an I sure don't get much from yous! Nowhere near as much as I should! But I sure am gettin it from a certain little black an white wort round here! Heehee! Yep, lotsa respect from dat Dink monster. (unsheathes her claws and whaps at the air)
Dinky: Me nosed dis were bout me! (hides behind Atom)
Chester: Dinky has always given you as wide a berth as possible. Why are you saying you have his respect now?
Atom: Me still doesn't nose what respect is! What do it mean, Chester?
Chester: Um, well, it's hard to explain, but it means to stay clear of someone and not go near them or cause them any trouble. At least, I think that's what Em means by respect.
Emily: Yous gots it, Scale Boy! Dat's xactly what I means, and dat's xactly what I's getting special good now from da Dink!
Chester: Again, I must ask, why now? What has changed?
Emily: Heehee! Look at his nose!
Dinky's nose is all scratched up.
Chester: You did that? Poor Dink! Are you all right?
Dinky: (sniff) My nose hurts. Em is mean like a nasty snake, me meow!
Chester: Emily! That wasn't nice at all! Why would you do such a thing? Dinky doesn't bother you!
Emily: Huh! Jus him bein here boders me! But da oder day, he got jus a little too close an I whapped him good! Mweeheehee! (swipes the air with her claws again)
Dinky: She sure did! Me were jus tryin to be a liddle friendly an talk to her a liddle an she hauled off an whapped my nose to pieces, she did! An growled da whole time an den stalked off wid her tail flippin an flappin. Me doesn't like dat mean big cat! She mean an nasty an mean!
Atom: Em, yous didn't hab to do dat to my Dink. He doesn't be a monster to yous! He only tacks me! (to Dinky) Yous should nose better dan to talk to her, anyways. Yous nose she doesn't like us!
Dinky: But she talks to yous some! I's seen yous! She eben plays wid yous some.
Atom: Yeah, but she's more used to me dan yous an I's careful to make sure she isn't in too bad a mood ifn we talk or play. But yous nose she doesn't hab no use fur yous atall! Anyways, yous is my kitty an no one else's!
Emily: Yous got dat right, Atom monster! I has no use fur dat wort! Yous can keep him!
Chester: I still say that wasn't very nice. You didn't have to hurt the kid! He's just a little goof ball. He didn't mean any harm.
Emily: Yous doesn't nose a ting bout cats! Dat's how we's maintain who is da top cat. Yous neber sawed Harry and Miss Priss fight fur da top spot. Fur were flying when day fought! All I did was scratch up da wort's nose a little. An it worked, too! He doesn't eben try to get near me now! Mweeheehee! R E S P E C T...
Atom: Claws an tails, we's heared yous already! But...me tinks me needs some ub dat respect stuffers...
Emily: Well, you're sure not gettin it from me, if that's what yous thinkin!
Atom: Oh, like me spected any respect from yous! Yous don't have respect fur nobodies what me can see! No, me were talking bout da Moms. Like me said befur, Dinky is my kitten an no one else's! But dem Moms lub all ober him like he's dar's, an sides, he isn't sposed to get any ub dar lubin anyways. Day's only sposed to lub on me...when me wants it! An oderwhere leabs me lone, cept not to lub on Dink. Now, me nose me can't get dem to stop lubin on Emily, cause day tink she's da booty queen, but day shouldn't oughta be habing anyting to do wid my Dink!
Chester: That's rather selfish, Atom! The Moms love all of us. They don't love you any less for loving all over the Dink. Anyway, you and Emily pout so much, they have to have someone to love on when you two are playing hard to get!
Dinky: Me lubs lubing wid da Moms! It jus so wunnerful! Me kisses dem and snuggles dar hair an...
Atom: Shut up! Yous hab no say in dis, yous belongs to me. An dat's da point, Chester. Da Moms belong to me an Dinky belongs to me, but dat don't mean dat da Moms belong to Dinky. Not one little bit!
Emily: Hey! I own da Moms, not yous!
Atom: Yous owns Mom2 and me owns Mom1 an we shares each da oder back an fort.
Emily: Hmmm...well, ok, I guess that makes sense.
Dinky: Who does me owns?
Atom: Your mousies.
Dinky (looking confused and sad) Oh...
Chester: You cats are just too weird! All this talk about owning the Moms, and you, Atom, owning Dinky! Why can't you understand that we're a family. We share the house and the Moms, we don't own them!
Emily: Yous is da one who's weird! Yous jus don't unnerstand how da world works when kitties own beans. Kitties owns eberyting in a house what day own. An ifn day doesn't get respect from new kitties in da house, well den da jus hab to teach it to dem! An dat's day way it is an alays hab bin.
Dinky: Well, me gots to say, me sure isn't gonna get anywhere near dat mean Emily anytime soon, fur sure! But me tinks me oughta own more dan my mousies. Me tinks me owns da Moms like eberyone elset.
Atom: Humph, me wouldn't go dat far! But don't worry. Anoder kitty will come into da house sooner or later an den day'll be da lowest one in da kitty order.
Emily: Hiisssppiiittt! Don't eben tink such a ting! Da last ting we needs is anoder kitty. All we needs is...(starts singing and dancing away) a little respect, jus a little bit, fur me, jus a little bit...
Chester: Oh, brother!
Cat Chat 07-15-01
Dinky's Hurrble Day
Dinky: Da woist ting in da whole whole world happeneded to me da oder day! Me doesn't tink me'll neber eber get ober it, it were jus hurrble! Me were so sceered an mad an sad all at da same time. An it were all Mom's fault. Me don't tink she lubs me atall, me don't! She were mean mean mean!
Chester: What are you talking about? I don't remember Mom ever being mean to you. She loves all over you all the time.
Atom: Yeah, a little too much, me meows!
Dinky: Me tinks she does dat lubin stuffers so as she can sneak up on me when she wants to be mean! Dat's what me tinks. It were jus a hurrble ting she done to me!
Chester: I still don't understand. What did Mom do?
Emily: I nose what she did! She went an took da wort to get him noodled! Mweeheehee!
Atom: Ohhhh, getting noodled is no fun fur sure, but da woist part is da going dar and da comin back. Me doesn't like to ride in da big moofin ting wid music. An me doesn't like da vet bean's place atall atall! But it were all ober purrty fast, an den me were fine. Mom wasn't bein mean, Dink. We all hab to get noodled. It's part ub ownin hooman beans. If we wasn't noodled we'd be like dem nasty wild cat freeloaders dat runs all ober da yard. Yous wouldn't want dat, me nose. Eben ifn yous did run off to be wid dem oncet befur...
Dinky: How can yous act like it were nuttin much atall? Me were plain turrfied, me were! Me hates dat cage ting anyways, an me jus nose dat Mom stuck me in dar an took me way to dat awful place cause she tawt me'd done sometin bad, but me don't member doin nuttin bad atall! Me be a good boy alla time!
Emily: Yeah, suuureee you are-not! Heehee!
Dinky: Me bets yous neber had to get noodled or go to dat nasty vet bean atall, yous nasty queenie! Did yous?
Emily: Ub course I did! Eberyone has to be noodled an go to da nasty vet bean sometime. I nose it's tramatic, but it habs to be done to keep us healthy. We has to get all our shots an stuffers. Eben doe I'd like to say Mom singled you out cause yous a nasty rotten wort, she didn't really. Like Atom said, it's jus part ub libin wid beans, an really Mom were doin it fur yous own good..
Dinky: How can anytin so sceery hurrble be fur me's own good? Mom hates me, me jus nose it! She jus purrtend to lubs me (starts to cry)
Chester: Now, now, that's not true at all. I know it was scary, but I also know that Mom loves you very much. Going to people like vets is just part of life. Even the Moms have to go to people vets, called doctors. They don't like it either, but they have to do it to stay well. And sometimes to get well. Don't you remember a few weeks back when Mom2 had to have that test, and she was so sick and miserable for days and days? But they found out what was wrong and she's starting to get better. Mom wasn't trying to scare you or hurt you. She just wants you to be a healthy kitty.
Dinky: Den why did she put me in dat hurrble cage ting, ifn she weren't tryin to be mean an sceer me? She nose me hates dat!
Chester: Because if she hadn't, you would have gone nuts and run all over the car and maybe even hurt yourself.
Dinky: But...but...but da Moms, day don't hab to be put in no cage to go in da big moofin ting wid music!
Atom: Dat's cause day isn't sceered ub da car tingy. Day seems to like to ride in it. Me doesn't unnerstan dat atall, but day does. It be jus one ub dem strange bean tings, me guess.
Chester: I like to ride in the car. It's fun! Especially when it's not too hot and we can have the windows down. I like to feel the wind on my face. It's almost like flying, without all the work! Mom lets me change the radio stations sometimes, as long as I don't pick a country music station. Mom2's radio is hardly working at all, so we listen to tapes, and sometimes we have to jiggle it to make them work. I like the dance music Mom2 likes, but I'm not so sure about that Michael Bolton person. I like the hard rock stuff that Mom1 listens to best.
Dinky: We was talking bout me an my hurrble sperence, not yous! Yous da weirdest cat I eber nosed, dat's fur sure. Me's seed lots of kitties, but yous da only one widout no fur an wid wings.
Emily: Mweeheehee!! You stupid kitten! Chester isn't a cat, he's a dragon! What a moron!
Dinky: What's da difference? Me tawt eberyone were cats. Cept maybe da Moms. Da jus too uncatish to be cats. Cept me tinks maybe day's jus weird kindsa cats too.
Atom: Look at him, fluff-brain! He doesn't look anything like a cat. He doesn't act like a cat. He has fingers like a bean. How could he be a cat? And the Moms aren't cats either. They're beans. Hooman beans.
Dinky: Yous is confusing me an tryin to make me not talk bout da hurrble mean ting Mom did, me nose it. Me nose dat all tings is all da same, but look different. Da Moms might be called beans, but dat is jus a sorta kitty. An Chester might be called a dragon, but dat's jus a sorta kitty too. How could dar eber be anyting but kitties? It's jus like TV. Da stuffers looks different, but it's all basetball. Played by big tall kitties wid squeaky feet. At least, somea da times.
Emily: Da wort is brain-damaged! I always nosed dar was sometin wrong wid him. He got no brains atall, I meow!
Chester: He does see things in a rather simplistic way, but I think it's maybe because he's just so young.
Emily: Humph! Eben da Atom monster wasn't dat stupid when he were a kitten! He were purrty stupid, but dis Dink wort takes da prize fur bein unbraineded. Tinkin da Moms an yous are cats! I bet he tinks nasty doggies are cats too!
Dinky: What elset would day be? Yous is da one who be stupid! Not nosin eberytin be cats! Me nose dat's true cause sometime cats is nasty mean, like yous most alla da time, an sometime day's nice like Addom. So, see, Mom be's a cat, cause sometime she's mean an sometime she's nice. Doesn't yous nose anytin? It only makes sense.
Chester: (sigh) You're right, Em. He's hopeless. Atom, maybe you can explain it all to him. He seems to listen to you.
Atom: Me?? But...dat's gonna take a buncha splainin! It'll take fureber, me meow!
Chester: Well, at least try.
Atom: Ok, ifn yous tink me should. (draws Dinky aside and they walk toward the deck) See Dink, not all tings is da same, like...
Emily (shaking her head): Da blind leadin da blind.
Chester: Yeah, I know. Hopeless.
Cat Chat 07-22-01
Da Most Mightiest Hunter
Emily: I is da most mightiest hunter what eber dar was, I is!!! I catched a big mousie, I did, an Mom sawed me right after I caught an killed it an so now she nose I is da mightiest hunter dar eber was too! An I tol her all bout my great hunt, an...
Chester: Wait a minute. How can you be the mightiest hunter ever if all you caught was a mouse? Atom caught a mouse once in the house!
Emily: Yeah, but that were a little teeny mouse, an I woulda caught it ifn Atom hadn't bin closer to it. Atom would neber eber bin able to catch dis big outdoors mouse. No way!!
Atom: Dat's cause me's not loud to goes outside!
Emily: Whateber!
Chester: Well, Em, you may have a point about the mouse Atom caught, but what about Tinker?
Emily: What bout him? I neber eben nosed him, I jus heard what Harry tol me bout him.
Chester: Harry said he could catch squirrels. It seems to me that makes him a whole lot mightier hunter than someone who just catches a mouse.
Dinky: Me catches mousies alla time! Me catches dem all ober da house, an me trows dem up in da air an carries dem round in me mouf an roll ober an ober on dem an all sortsa stuffers! Me eben habs a secret hiding place for my mousies what da Moms can't find. Heehee!
Emily: Those are fake mousies, fluff-head. What I caught was a real live mouse! An it was big too. But I guess yous sorta right, Chester. Catchin a squirrel is a harder ting to do cause day is fast an climb trees. Mouses don't climb trees. So I guess I's da Mightiest Hunter alive, since Tinker is at Rainbow Bridge.
Atom: Well, tell us what happened! Me wish me could go out an catch a real mousie! It sounds like lotsa fun!
Emily: Oh, it was, it was so furry fun. Da mouse, he were crawlin round in da leabs, an I waited real patient-like an still so as he couldn't hear me, an I made sure I was upwind so as he couldn't smell me. I waited an watched long an long. An jus when he got close, I jumped up an catched him an played wid him a little, den I bit him jus so an he were a dead mousie. An I had him up at da bottom ub da steps by dat time, and Mom, she were jus comin down da driveway in her car. So I waited an didn't eat da mouse yet, cause I wanted to show Mom what a mighty hunter I was.
Atom: Dat's a smart ting to do, me meow. Me's heared dat beans praise yous all ober when yous catch mouses, cause day don't like dem. Mom sure praised me all up an down when me catched dat mousie in da house. Mom2 were all Iccckk Eeekkk, but Mom were jus fulla praise.
Emily: Mom were dis time too. She tol me what a good kitty I was an what a mighty hunter an all sortsa stuffers like dat. An I tol her all bout how I caught him, an she stopped an listened an tol me dat were jus wunnerful. An she tol me how proud she was of me too! It were special neat.
Atom: Boy, me neber gets to do anyting what gets me praised like dat! It's not fair. Ifn me could go outside me could be a mighty hunter too, me meow!
Emily: In yous dreams! Yous wouldn't nose da foist ting about catching a real mouse outside. Yous hab to be sneaky an quiet an patient an stuffers like dat. Yous couldn't be sneaky an and quiet fur all da cat food in da world! Yous like an elephant wid fur. Yous tinks yous being sneaky when yous is playin wid Mom or da Dink wort, but yous gets all cited and gets noisy. Yous'd neber get near a real mouse!
Atom: Would too! Me can be real sneaky ifn me wants to.
Emily: Yous neber bin sneaky in yous life! I can jus sees all da mouses running away laffing at yous tryin to sneak up on dem!
Chester: Putting Atom's mousing abilities aside for a moment, what did you do with the mouse after you got to show it off to Mom?
Emily: I ate it, of course! But, I did tink bout what Harry used to say to me bout leavin presents. See, I been huntin a long time, but I neber hab showed off my prey to Mom before. An I member Harry alays brought Mom stuffers an he tol me bout Tinker an da oders bringing stuffers to Mom too. So I figured, gee, since Mom were so happy wid me catchin da mouse she oughta be real happy ifn I left her a present. So I left her da part of da mouse what I didn't want to eat anyways at da bottom of da steps. She seemed happy bout dat an tol me thank you an eberyting...eben doe she did push it off into da weeds as soon as she sawed it. But I tink dat was so Mom2 wouldn't see it an go Eeeeeeekkkkk!!! Heehee!
Chester: Probably so. Mom2 just doesn't appreciate things like that. Actually, I think it's pretty gross too. It's nice of Mom to be so gracious about it. But then, she's had lots of kitties bringing her presents for a long long time, so I guess she's used to it.
Dinky: Me doesn't see why Mom would like icky nasty tings like leftober mousie parts. She don't eben like shredded up paper!
Emily: But the mouse parts I left as a present were outside, not all ober da libin room! Humph, yous jus don't preciate what a spectacular kitty I am! I am da mightiest hunter, an da defender ub our territory, an da booty queen, an Mom2's precious girl, an da bestest most wunnerful kitty dar eber was!
Chester: Modest too! Heehee! But I was just thinking...Dinky said something about a mousie stash a little while ago, one that the Mom's don't know about. Why would you have a secret mousie stash, Dink?
Dinky: Cause day's my mousies, ub course! Addom said dem mousies is da only timg me owns. An as long as me hab dem hid way, da Moms gibs me more an more mousies! Teehee!
Chester: But the poor Moms are always trying to find mousies for you! They spend hours looking under every piece of furniture and digging under the stove and refrigerator and washer and dryer with long sticks and the fly swatter for your mousies. It's not nice to make them search like that if you have them all hidden away!
Dinky: Oooo, but it's fun to hep dem look. An day most alays find a mousie or four what me can't get to.
Atom: It is fun to hep dem look. So, where is da mousie stash?
 Dinky: Me's not gonna tell yous! Ifn me tells yous da Moms will find it an den me won't hab a mousie stash! Me gots to keep somtin fur meself.
Chester: That's mean, Dinky! The Moms shouldn't have to look for something you already have hidden somewhere. And they're always having to buy new mousies too, because you lose them all the time.
Dinky: Or hides dem....heehee!
Emily: Dat's not mean at all, Chester. Dat's being a cat! I hates to admit it, but da fluff-brain is akshully learnin to be a cat! Will wonders neber cease! But he'll still be as good a cat as me, cause I's da bestest cat dar is!
Atom: Maybe fur now, but me's Mom's special booful boy, an one day me's gonna be da bestest kitty. All me gots to do is tink ub sometin to make da Moms all proud ub me. Me nose! Me'll go find Dinky's mousie stash an show it to dem!
Dinky: Nooooooo!!! Day's my mousies! (tackles Atom and they roll around on the floor)
Chester: I don't think you have anything to worry about in the best kitty department, Em...
Emily (smiling): No, not fur a long long time! Mweeheehee!
Cat Chat 07-30-01
Big Noises On Da Roof
Atom: There were some turrible bad noises on da roof da oder day, an me an Dink didn't nose what were going on! We wouldn't eben go near da house door. It were sceery!
Dinky: It sure were! Me wasn't eben going out on da deck. Dar were all dis clumpin an stumpin and stuffers. An strange beans too! Me doesn't nose why Mom hab to hab strange beans come ober an do sceery tings.
Chester: That was just Mom's handyman. I guess last year when he was over here a lot Atom was still a baby and Dinky wasn't even born, much less living here. But he's not a scary person. He's really quiet, very business-like, and his kid is really nice too...
Atom: He sure didn't sound quiet to me!
Emily: Dat's cause he was on da roof. It makes lotsa noise when beans get up on da roof. I didn't eben stay round when day came, I jus went right on out an stayed aways til day left. But really, Chester, he isn't eber a quiet bean. He always is making loud noisy noises. How can you say he's quiet?
Chester: Well, the work he does makes noise, but as a person he's quiet. I mean, he doesn't talk much at all. I flew up to the roof and tried to talk to him and even offered to help. He didn't seem at all interested in having me help, though. In fact, he really didn't seem to want me around at all.
Emily: No wonder, yous was prolly buggin him to deaf! Yous alays does dat to beans whenever yous can. Mom is alays habing to tell yous to hush when her guitar beans come ober cause yous jus talk talk talk!
Chester: It's better than being a snooty snoot like you! I like to talk to people, and I don't get to see very many. Mom won't let me go with her to the grocery stores or anything because I'm not a human, and they don't let non-humans in those places. The only place I get to talk to anyone but you cats is if they come here.
Atom: Me doesn't nose why yous'd want to talk to hooman beans anyways. Day's all big noisy tings, cept dose two guitar girls what comes and is most quieter dan play mousies. Dat bean on da roof da oder day were bout da noisiest me eber heared, but day's all noisy pains in da tail. Me wouldn't mind atall ifn no beans eber comed ober here!
Emily: I gots to agree on dat one. I habs no use atall fur any beans but da Moms. I's not eben too furry fond ub Grandpa bean.
Chester: Oh, come on, humans are fun to be around. They nearly always having interesting things to say. Like, even though the handyman guy wasn't really interested in talking to me, I had fun talking to his kid. We talked about movies and video games. The kid has a Playstation. I wish we had a Playstation, it sounds fun. Mom sold all of her best games, and I'm getting tired of Mario.
Dinky: Yous weird. Yous should be pwayin wid mousies like a normal cat!
Chester: Dink, I'm NOT A CAT!!! Get it through your thick, fuzzy skull! I'm a dragon, and dragons like to talk to people.
Emily: Dat's fur sure! Yous talk an talk to anyone! I doesn't nose how dat handyman guy put up wid you fur as long as he did. I sawed him looking at yous all disgusted-like.
Chester: Well, I admit he did discourage me from talking much. In fact, he suggested that if I wanted to help, I should get a broom and clean out the gutters! As if I would do such a dirty job! That's when I went and talked to his kid.
Atom: Ifn you like bean people so much, how come yous won't work like day does?
Chester: Just because I'm not cat doesn't mean I want to do dirty icky work! I type this column, that's work enough! I have the same privileges you cats do. We own the Moms and the house, and the Moms do all the work. That's they way it is when you're not a human.
Emily: Heehee! Yous is sounding like yous tinkin like us cats now! I nosed yous were more like us dem yous was letting on.
Chester: Well, why should I do any work? You cats don't have to, so I shouldn't have to either. Mom teases us all about doing stuff like cleaning the litter box, but she doesn't really expect us to do it. Any more than Jody expects me to help him do stuff.
Dinky: Yous mean dat crazy bean what takes all ub our leabs an uses noisy monster machines to make all our pretty grass go all short?
Chester: Yeah, that's the guy. He's our landlord, you know. He only does all that stuff because he's bored. He teases Mom about helping too, but she doesn't do work outside. But he's fun to talk to. He'll talk to me for hours sometimes. He's got great stories about the old days when this property was nothing but woods.
Emily: Da only reason he talks to yous so long is he's too old to get away fast! Mweeheehee! I's sprised he don't make Mom get rid ub yous like he made da neighbors get rid ub dat silly goat!
Chester: No, that's not it at all. He likes me. He likes having someone to talk to as much as I do, and I guess he and his wife have talked about everything they ever had to talk about. They've been married a long long time. I admit he thought I was pretty strange at first, but he's gotten used to me now and we have all sorts of neat conversations. He's a really nice guy. And I'm not a thing like that stupid goat! Jody didn't like the goat because it was eating the trees and eroding the property. I don't do anything like that! So there, Em!
Emily: Heehee!
Atom: So, ifn yous don't really want to do any work, how come yous wanted to help the handyman bean? That don't make sense, me meow. Work is work!
Chester: Oh, I don't know, it just looked kind of fun. I didn't really think he'd let me help anyway. I just wanted to have fun.
Atom: Well me doesn't see how hangin round wid noisy beans could be fun. At least he's gone and we won't hab to hear all dat clumpin an trumpin on da roof.
Chester: But he's coming back tomorrow. There's another leak in the deck roof. And Mom says he's going to have to cool seal the roof too next month.
Atom: What?? He's comin back and trampin on da roof agin?? Dat's not fair atall! How's we sposed to hab fun on da deck wid alla dat sceery noises? Quick, Dink, we has to find a good place to hide.
Dinky: Me's way head ub yous! Me tinks Mom2's closet might be a good pwace to hide...
Cat Chat is © 1999 - 2007, 2008 Ariel, Emily, Atom, Dinky, Harry, and Chester the Dragon. All rights reserved worldwide. This column may not be reprinted in part or whole without express permission of Ariel. Poetry Corner
“Untitled” 4.08.01
by L. E. Shaffer © 2001 L. E. Shaffer When all else fails
Faith fades away
And darkness falls
Thrill from moonrise Glory at sunrise
Wade through life
And weep no more
Even alone unhappy Wait upon sunset
And see a miracle
While the moon
Stares down upon us Death cannot stalk
Grief won't exist
Depression ebbs
Upon gentle rains Sprinkled with stars
With song bursting
At our spirits
Taken flight While comets streak
Orange burnt sky
And meteors scream
Down to oceanic blue Nothing good ever dies
No father wants less
Than one greater
Even beyond us all © 2001 L. E. Shaffer Hockey Puck
I certainly miss the NHL, but soon the teams will be getting together, and the ice will see skates once again. Can you believe high schoolers becoming instant millionaires before even taking to the NBA courts? A bigger surprise is that Patrick Ewing is now an Orlando Magic. Tiger Woods is still not winning in the PGA. NASCAR saw Jeff Gordon win a couple, Dale Jr. do some magic, and Dale Jarrett winning a short race. The Miami Dolphins of the NFL have signed their entire team to another season of hope. They look good. Yet I only hope for a good Florida Panthers season! Guest Articles
Ariel has provided us some award-winning wow stuff. As always everything is copyright of the author. Mom's Bug "Do you remember?"
(someone said)
"When Volkswagen Beetles
were the only small cars on the road?
When there were so many of them
they seemed to run in packs?
When every parking lot had at least
three or four of each color?"
We remembered, all right.
Remembered there were only so many colors:
just light blue and dark blue and red and orange
A few that were black, and a few yellow.
But that's not why it happened.
"But it wasn't my fault," said Mom.
"It was because New York State
didn't have inspection stickers in 1968."
And that was true. In '68
New York State didn't have
Yearly car inspections,
and North Carolina did.
But that's not why it happened, either.
Mom (being Hungarian) used to point
to the circus performers on T.V.
She'd say: "See those people performing
on high wires without a net? Those are always Hungarians,
because Hungarians are crazy.
But they never fall."
This is what happened:
Mom's Bug was old
when they decided to move,
So they sold it, and once in Raleigh,
Daddy bought her a brand-new Bug.
A beautiful light blue Bug
with an electronic sun roof--
and she loved it, and she
Drove it all over town:
to our school,
to the grocery store,
to the golf course,
to the mall.
And Daddy worked as traveling salesman,
and he forgot
To tell Mom about the inspection sticker,
Forgot
To mention she'd have to have it reinspected in a year;
and she didn't ask.
Didn't think about that little colored sticker
in the corner of her windshield.
So she drove it, and a year passed,
and no one told Mom she'd have to do something.
And another year passed, and one day
a policeman stopped her
and gave her a ticket
for an expired inspection sticker.
Mom told the officer
she hadn't known about it, but he said:
"Tell it to the judge."
Mom was furious:
How dare they give her a ticket
for a law she didn't know about?
She went to court
full of righteous indignation.
The judge said: "Lady, didn't you notice
your sticker was a different color
than everyone else's?"
"Of course," said Mom. "That's how I find
my Volkswagen
in the parking lot!"
The courtroom burst into laughter.
The judge said:
"Case dismissed!"
So, why did it happen?
I think I know.
It happened because Mom
is a crazy Hungarian
who was performing without a net...
And she didn't fall. The White Bike One bright Saturday morning in late spring my father took me into downtown Raleigh to the local Schwinn dealership. I had been riding my sister's old bike, a heavy, battered blue monster, for almost a year. Daddy had decided it was time I had my own bike. As soon as I walked from the thick heat of the parking lot into the air-conditioned shop I saw it: a gleaming white steed with twenty-eight inch wheels, blue pin-striping, and red-white-and-blue streamers. The chrome shone like polished glass. Father picked me up and set me on the padded black and white seat. My tiny feet barely reached the pedals. "Oh, Daddy," I cried, "it's beautiful! I love it!" Laughing, he reached for his wallet. I was enormously proud of that bike. I rode it everywhere: to school, to friends' houses, to town. On Memorial Day, I decorated it with crepe paper and rode it in the parade. Undaunted by the three-season-long simmering heat and sudden showers that were the hallmark of Raleigh weather, I explored the wilds of suburbia on it: the delightful chaos of half-built houses, the slightly spooky abandoned farm houses and barns, the fields and tracts of woods nestled between the shopping centers and the housing developments. The bike suffered more than a few scrapes and scratches from wipe-outs on stony paths and rough asphalt roads, as did I, but it received no real damage until one early summer day when I was eleven. My older sister needed to go over to the high school and talked me into riding her there on my bike. Our combined weight made pedaling a bit difficult, but we were doing fine until we were halfway down a steep hill. To my extreme dismay, I realized that the coaster brakes had gone out. "Pammy," I screamed, "the brakes are gone!" "Turn in here," she yelled, pointing. 'Here' was an abandoned railroad bed that ran through the edge of our housing development, broken in places by the recently laid neighborhood roads. The ties and rails had been pulled up long ago, leaving a bed of cinders and stones running between steep banks. I leaned the bike to the left, hoping the cinders would stop us. Instead, we sluiced through them and slammed into the far bank. We pitched sideways into the cinder bed, liberally scraping our bare arms and legs. Picking ourselves up, we pulled the bike out of the weeds and dirt of the bank. The front wheel was parallel to the handlebars and swiftly going flat. Tears streaming down our faces we limped home, wheeling the bike between us. We bandaged each other's scrapes and faced Daddy together, the ruined bike between us. After Daddy straightened out the wheel and replaced the tire, the bike was as good as new--almost. It always wobbled a bit after that, and had a tendency to list to one side. I quickly learned to compensate for its shortcomings, becoming so used to the way it rode I no longer thought about it. I continued to ride the bike for many years. After I left home, Daddy began to ride it for exercise. He, too, soon forgot all about the white bike's quirks. Eventually Daddy bought himself a brand-new ten-speed, and the white bike was relegated to a corner of the garage. Shortly after the purchase of the ten-speed, my sister and her family, who lived out of town, came to visit Mom and Dad. My husband and I went up to the house to visit with them. My husband challenged my ten-year-old nephew to a bike race. Off they went, the kid on the new ten-speed, my husband on the old white bike. No one had thought to tell David about the white bike's idiosyncrasies. My husband had pulled ahead and was taking a sharp curve when the bike slid out from under him. He landed with a crash. The kid shrieked with laughter. "Ha, ha," he smirked. "Uncle David fell off the bike!" After being told about the bike's original accident, my poor husband vowed never to ride it again. The white bike is over thirty years old now. Pammy took it for a while, then sold it to a neighborhood kid when she moved. It's possible that the bike has been in a landfill for several years now, but I doubt it. It's probably sitting in the corner of someone's garage, waiting for some child to claim it as a friend...or for its next hapless adult victim. © 2001 K. Young The Mountains of Ao
Tears from Ao and three poetry collections, Pages of Life, Visions of Life, and Moments of Life are available electronically at http://RunesofAo.com/aobp/. The Runes of Ao project, The Mountains of Ao novel currently on chapter 16 of 22, and the The Book of Kalian Mysticism poetry collection are all works in progress. Also a collaboration with K. Young on a novella called Dragon Embers is now published on the fan site known as Runes of Ao.com. The Dull Stuff
Inputs and letters to this journal are subject to approval by Ebony and Abby. Submittals may be edited for content and become the property for the one-time nonexclusive publication of:
Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company
Merchant Occupational License #48210-0076151
PO Box 501833
Marathon FL 33050-1833
(305) 743-9648 voice/data/fax
Internet URLs: www.RunesofAo.com
www.RunesofAo.com/aobp/
www.RunesofAo.com/ebony/
www.RunesofAo.com/abby/
Publication date: July 28, 2001
Author: L. E. Shaffer
Company: Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company &
Shaffer Internet Publishing Company
© 1995 - 2007, 2008 L. E. SHAFFER
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WORLDWIDE
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
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Email Reminder" in the subject line. [Previous Journal] [Journal Index] [Next Journal] 6Catching sight of Jesus from a distance, he ran up and fell at his feet7and shouted at the top of his voice, ‘What do you want with me, Jesus, son of the Most High God? In God’s name do not torture me!’8For Jesus had been saying to him, ‘Come out of the man, unclean spirit.’9Then he asked, ‘What is your name?’ He answered, ‘My name is Legion, for there are many of us.’10And he begged him earnestly not to send them out of the district.
The New Jerusalem Bible: Reader’s Edition, (New York: Doubleday.) 1990. |
