Us cats me Abby and dat ole Ebony wanna meow all use human beans, cats, and eben dem woof woofs a berrrry Happy Holidays. We nose dare all kinds ub special days furr all kinds ub peeples and pets. Dat why we meow Happy Holidays. We gots lots to mew about. We gots all the mews dat fits to paw right hare. We gots special guest poets who clawed this month's poem about our favorite activities. It bee fun time! Day are Jackie and Furry Purrsons! In our online edition we furrrrry mush berrry welcome again guest meows from Emily and Harry who own and operate dare human beanie called Ariel.

Diss Ebony and I gonna start our holiday story. Lissssen now. It were dee night four Christmas and throughout dee litterhouse not a mouse could be had. Cause Abby ate dem all!

Abby: I not needer! Whare are day sews I kin eat dem? Eb, you making diss up? Hisssssspittttt...

Eb: It a holiday story, Ab, shut up! Whare was I? Oh, all dee mousies were ate and it quiet furrr a change. All dem human beans were in bed sprouting dreams outta dare ears. And --

Ab: Diss good time to meow at dem dat we usually chases each udder and wake eberrybody up. Dat sew mush fun. Ebony, why you wook mad? Hey! Stop trying to paw wap at me!

Eb: Den let me mew diss holiday story without use clawing it to tatters. Now. Uhhhh, let me fink. Oh, I nose. After all dat sprouting, what should happen but Santa Clawws come popping outta dee mouse hole wif gifts and a few gerbils.

Ab: Day tastee too. You gonna share?

Eb: ABBY! I gonna bite you ifing you not let me finish diss holiday story. You ruin fings.

Ab: I not needer. Use telling dee story all wrong. Santa Clawwws bring catnip furrr good kitties and a wet baff furrr all dee bad kitties. See I nose fings about diss holiday story; you not nose it all! And what about a feather toy to bat at, huh?

Eb: I is gonna bat you sillier dan you is now purrrittty soon. NOW! Santa Clawwws leaves all dem goodies furrr cats and beans. Den Santa Clawwwss meows, "On Paulie, on Chirper, on Wilma, on Betty, on Ferdinando, on Charlie --

Ab: Eb? Who dee heck are day? You not telling diss holiday story right at tall, I meows!

Eb: Why day bee boidees dat pull dee pet carrier Santa Clawws rides in. After dee holidays, Santa Clawwws eats dem boidees, yes, really do!

Ab: [laff meowing uncontrollably...] >^..^<

Internet Stuff
I apologize for the cats. They are so bad sometimes. And no animals or humans were harmed in the above story, not even a boid - uhhhh, I mean bird. Hope you enjoyed the cats' holiday story.

During this holiday season everyone could benefit from prayer. Those who pray whatever their religion or maybe none. Anyone can pray. And those who are the subject of prayers. We would like to invite and encourage you to join a special group of people who are called Prayer Warriors. They pray for all requests. We have seen some real miracles this past year. And, I am afraid, we have seen some disappointments. To join please go online and fill out the electronic form found at the net URL of www.geocities.com/Area51/Corridor/1017/webdoc1.htm.

Web rings are special Internet collection of like-minded people. It is a great way to see other impressive websites and meet wonderful people. We are extending a special invitation to everyone to join our Circle of Friends WebRing, which is usually only for winners of various award winners. We cater to mostly artists of all kinds, but we don't mind making friends with most anybody. We do ask that sites be okay for the entire family. To join us please start at http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Corridor/1017/circle.html.

There are so many wonderful things to do and see on the Internet. I like to save money. One way is to talk to friends and family via services like ICQ, which is "I Seek You." Or PowWow. There are tons of others, but these are the two biggest. I can and do talk to my brother almost every day. If I did this on the telephone, it would cost an arm and a leg plus maybe a cat. Now I am not going to give up a cat by any means. I talk with all my friends and to one of the most important persons, my oldest son. I haven't got my youngest son and my daughter online quite yet, but I am working on it.

There are other great things to these services as well. You can cruise the Internet together as a group. You can send email to each other. You can share pictures, draw pictures, collaborate on any project, talk by voice, conference with live video, and the list goes on. ICQ at www.mirabilis.com.

Hockey Puck
As you all know, I am a die-hard hockey fan. But I don't want you to think that I only report good things. For example, Wayne Gretzky started out horribly. He fell so far on the top-scorers list that many of the nay sayers were out in force again. Wayne Gretzky did make one of his super comebacks though. He is in the top ten again, but his team, the New York Rangers, are near the bottom of the division standings.

The Pittsburgh Penguins may have to move, because the city does not want to support a new rink as other NHL cities have before them. Interestingly, the other two Pittsburgh franchises, the Steelers and Pirates, are considering a move out of town as well. This would be okay if Pittsburgh doesn't later spend twice as much to get teams back. It seems cheaper to keep what you have.

The ECHL Hampton Roads Admirals want to move up to the AHL, but can't agree on a contract with Scope, the rink they play at. So they tried to move to Newport News, but they did not want them. Now the Admirals want to delay their entry into the AHL a year, but Scope says they have a contract for an AHL team next year. This situation could end up with hockey folding up here in the Norfolk, Virginia, area. That would be too bad.

Aren't You Tired of IT!
I know I am tired of all this Bill Clinton, Monica, Ken Starr, Congress, and impeachment thing. It seems like just political hatred on both sides. And the law is not even the issue apparently. The House impeaches and the Senate acquits. It takes 67 out of 100 senators to vote to impeach to remove Bill Clinton from office. There are 45 Democratic and six Republican senators who at this point will NOT vote to impeach. It all is just a waste of time, effort, and tax dollars. Nothing will change. There is so much to do other than watch on TV, listen on the radio, and even see on the Internet. Let's please get on with it and move onto something more important like Social Security!

Guest Meows!
This is Larry for Ariel. She and her two cats, Harry and Emily, gave us two Cat Chat articles this month. There would have been more but Ariel's mother died recently. All our prayers, hopes, and empathy goes out to Ariel and her extended family. Please visit the Memorial Page for Ariel's mother. Thank you. Now here is Harry and Emily with Cat Chat:

[11/29/98] Hi, it's me, Harry Geharis Harrison. As you can see, Mom got some great new pictures of us this week. In my picture I'm in my chair, dictating my column to her. Emily says her picture is of her laughing about the bird she caught. She'll tell you all about that, believe me! I've already heard the story a dozens times (grrrr). Mom is much happier because she got the beans at the college where she teaches to fix her car. She says they have an auto-body-repair-class, whatever that means. Anyway, it is saving her money, so she bought us some real tuna!! We had one can already. Mom says we're getting more tomorrow for Thanksgiving. I don't know what Thanksgiving is, but Mom says that Girlfriend bean will be over, so I will like that! And the tuna too! Yum!! I thought I smelled some ham earlier. Maybe I can get some of that too. If Girlfriend bean comes over, I know I will. She always gives me good things to eat. That nasty old White TomCat has been coming into my yard again. I had to chase him away twice this week. Mom came out and helped chase him away by banging her big stick on the porch. Then she told me I was her Defender Of The Territory and gave me treats! That White Tom Cat—he is what Mom calls a feral cat. That means he doesn't have a warm place to sleep like me, and from our conversations, I can tell he doesn't want one. He just wants Mom to feed him. As if I'd put up with that! I chase him away good, and he goes somewhere else to beg for a while, then he comes back. Emily doesn't help to chase him at all. She just hides, humph! As if I haven't been busy enough this week helping Mom with her puter work, and keeping the birds and squirrels in line, and chasing Emily so she won't get fat! (Don't tell me you're not getting fat, Emily! You are toofat!) And then, whenever Mom practices guitar for her class she teaches, I have to keep her guitar-case warm, and help her sing. Ah, me, a cat's work is never done! (OK, Emily! Hisss! I was about through anyway.) Emily wants to tell you about her bird, so I'll let her have the keyboard and go see if there is any milk in my bowl. Mom buys me Special Milk Just For Me, not like that stuff beans drink. It is my favorite treat. (Mom, I need some milk!!!!)

Tails and Clawses!! Oh! Oh! Just wait til me tells you!! Me am a realhunter now! Me is like that Tinker cat Mom and Harry talk about what caught birdies in mid-air. Well, it wasn't quite mid-air, but, oh my!! It was fun fun and good too. Me tell you what me did. Me was so sneaky and quiet, see. Me hiding in the woods was, and this red birdie, he come hopping down from the tree. He didn't see me; he was busy getting bugs of sumthin. Then, so, me sneaked real real slow and quiet and careful. Me is good at that, since me is always catching mousies and moleses. It was windy, so the birdie not hear the leaves I made rattle heehee. So then, me sneak closer and closer and then me was so close and the silly birdie still didn't see me or hear me. So then me took one more step and jumped and the birdie jumped but too late! Me had him in me mouf!! Me was furry excited! Me played and rolled wif him, but had to be careful, cause birdies faster than mousies or moleses. So then he was trying to get away, so me made him still. Um, yum, he was good but birdies different than mousies and moleses. They has feathers, not fur. Now, feathers is fun to play wif, but no good to eat. So then I remembered how Harry would say me should bring Mom a present, so me brought her some feathers. But me ate the birdie first heehee!! And them me took a bunch of feathers, and me put them on the porch so Mom could see, and Mom said I was a Mighty Hunter! Me was so furry happy and proud!! Me rolled around on my bed, and dat's when Mom got the picture of me. You see, me is so excited in picture? Now me wants to catch another birdie! Me will tell you when me does! Purrs and Snuggles. Me Emily and Harry Meow.

[12/13/98] Meow hi!! This is Harry and Emily. Mom has had a busy and rough week, so we got her dragon Chester to help with our column.

We is sorry it is late, but we had to bribe Chester wid promises of chocolates before he would help. We tried to bribe him wid yum-yums and tuna, but dragons don't like yum-yums and tuna, so me and Harry had to put our noses togeder and think. Did you nose dat dragons loves chocolate? Me didn't. But Mom has some on da counter, so we is giving them to Chester so he types for us.

Mom's Mommy died Wednesday, and Mom has hardly been home at all. Emily and I have been snuggling with her every night to make her feel better. She is furry sad, but says she is glad it happened fast and her Mommy didn't suffer. We didn't see Grandma bean much, cause Mom has steep stairs to our house, and Grandma bean has been ill and frail for lots of moons.

Grandma bean wasn't too friendly wid us anyways. She not pet us or notin', but Mom says that was just her way.

Anyway, Mom is finally back she says, but way far behind on what she needs to do. We didn't like her being gone, cause we couldn't go in and out and in and out like we like.

Yeah, dat's why Chester is heping us, cause Mom is busy so. Mom is making our bed covers all smelly good and warm today, which is furry nice. Me likes it when da covers is cozy warm!!

Yes, but she didn't have to be gone so much!! Besides, she made it rain too!! As if being gone wasn't enough!! And it's cold rain!!

(Ahem, you cats seem to forget that Mom had to be with her family the past few days.)

Yeah, dat's right, Harry, dat's why sissy bean was ober here. She were purty nice for a bean, and me let her pet me, but me don't know her much. She live furry furry far away, eben farther dan da highway!!!

I didn't see her. I was ready to go outside when Mom came home with sissy bean. Anyway, Mom did make it rain.

Merow, Harry, you and da rain! A little rain hurt no one!

(I said ahem!) If you cats had any intelligence you would know that human beings don't make the weather!

Do so!! I know Mom makes it rain!

Does not!

Does so!!

Does...oh, forget it, harrumph!)

(long pause)

(Emily, quick, get more chocolate!!!!...Now will you type for us Chester?)

(Mmmm-mmph...oh, very well...)

OK, where was we???

Mom's been gone, and it's cold and raining. What else is new?

Oh, Harry's bin jumping up on da counters and Mom is furry mad about dat. She say me Emily is bad influence on Harry, but is not my fault at all!!

Humph! Well, if she would just stay home and do things the way I want I wouldn't be jumping up there! It's Mom's fault. These beans just will not listen to us kitties!

Well, dat be true!! Mom can be furry silly and do stuff us kitties don't like...

(If you cats can't think of anything more interesting to say, I'm going to stop typing for you.)

Merrroowww...hmmmm...Oh, I know! Mom says she is going to make a mermerian...memmemron.

(Ahem. Memoriam)

Right! That! A memoriam page for her Mommy, and will create an award for other beans who have memoriam pages on their sites, so you kitties tell your beans to stop by again soon and apply for her award. It will be furry nice, I meow. Paw to you next week. Purrs and snuggles. Meow Harry and Emily Mew

(And Chester!)

© 1998 Ariel, Harry, and Emily

Poetry Corner
This new poem is by our guest poets Jackie and the Furry Purrsons:

"PLEA"

Again. By now,
All too familiar sound.
How many times
Do I have to tell you
This is not
Acceptable behavior?
Just look at it,
Dilapidated thing!
We haven't had this one
For very long.
And you ruined
The one we had before.
I've tried therapy,
Pop psychology,
Sharp words,
Finger-wagging,
Squirty bottles
Of water. What on earth
Will make you stop?
You're driving me crazy,
Right up the wall,
Giving me grey hairs,
Nightmares.
Heaven's sake, I wish
You wouldn't look at me
Like that. You know
Perfectly well
I turn to pulp.
Oh, won't you please
Give me a decent break
And quit stropping
Your claws
On the sofa?

--Sincere good wishes, Jackie & the Furry Purrsons
Barry's World: www.angelfire.com/mb/odonata/welcome.html

In The Park
Early this December I had the pleasure of coming down to the Florida Keys on necessary business. I enjoyed the drive through the beautiful Carolinas. Georgia was foggy as usual. What I could see was simply wonderful. I was glad to be back in Florida again. I even like the rest areas better. I went through Jacksonville and missed all the traffic, passed through Daytona and wished to someday see the Daytona 500 NASCAR race, entered the Fort Lauderdale and Miami corridor and was lucky to have light traffic.

I came out of Miami onto US1, and I always enjoy the sights there. I passed Homestead and entered onto the final leg into Key Largo. I started to see some hurricane damage here. As I got closer to Key West, I was surprised at the amount of damage. The national media did not adequately report the effects of Georges. I hated to see homes and trailers destroyed. Some won't be allowed to rebuild at all or have to follow some ridiculous restrictions. The cleanup and rebuilding were in full force as I drove the length of US1.

I visited with Frank and Roseanne plus my other friends. As promised, I won't be much longer before I am back in the Keys. You really miss it, when you are gone. Being a permanent resident and staying year around is the best option for me. I enjoy it, and the cats enjoy it even more. You all be good, take care, and Happy Holidays to you all!

"The Mountains of Ao"
Tears from Ao continue serialized each month in the Internet webzine (an electronic magazine) called The Outer Rim at the internet URL of www.geocities.com/Area51/Cavern/1225/. All my completed novels and poetry collections are available at NetPublishers and AlphaOmega BookStore. I am working hard on The Mountains of Ao chapter 11 of 22 chapters. Existing proofreaders please contact me via email/snail mail to arrange for quick delivery of the latest version of the novel. A new sample will be ready soon.

The Dull Stuff
Inputs and letters to this journal are subject to approval by Ebony. All inputs may be edited for content and become the property of Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company.

Internet URLs: http://RunesofAo.com
http://RunesofAo.com/aobp/
http://RunesofAo.com/ebony/
http://RunesofAo.com/abby/