In The Keys
I've got my oldest son, his wife, and the two middle grandchildren coming to visit very soon. I can't wait. I just enjoyed a really fun visit from my brother, Tony, from the cold tundra of Ohio. While we were complaining about the worst winter in the Keys since 1917, Tony enjoyed the balmy weather, at least for him. We enjoyed all our time together from the escapades at the Miami International Airport to Bob's next to the Last Chance Saloon on the beginning of the eighteen-mile breezeway. We finally got to go boating several days. We checked out Sister's Creek and Boot Key Harbor, but we were almost run down by a big old yacht who wanted to hog my side of the channel. I yelled at him, and he yelled at me. So there is even road rage on the waterways. hehe... We went fishing with John and his two boys. That was a thrill, but Tony didn't go fishing even after buying the license. I had built him up as a great fisherman, but he proved me wrong this trip. Tony promised to make up for it the next trip though!

Tony and I went to Key West to meet an old Navy buddy of mine. We never did find him or a parking spot. Key West is a mess during tourist season, but fun all the same. Finally, a parking spot! We walked the entire length of Duval street. We finally parked our butts at Hard Rock Cafe. We had some great eats and saw the memorabilia from famous music stars. It was getting cold, so we made a mad dash back to my truck parked in the nether regions near the opposite end of Duval. Fortunately, we had avoided the parking meter running out and suffering an $80 ticket. Tony and I had no change left in our pockets, but Key West parking officials were the poorer. Later we enjoyed a great evening with Mike and Kelly and friends. We also had a wonderful time at John and Abbe's. Good times, good conversations, good friends.

Good things come to an end too quickly it seems. Tony just got here, met all my friends in the park, and had to go back to Ohio to his family. We got to the airport and parked ourselves at a nice bar. Lo and behold, Donna comes up and gives us both a big hug. She was outbound to go to work. Soon though I saw them both off and headed back home in the Keys. Later I enjoyed another super evening at Mike and Kelly's. I had a fantastic supper. They gave me the wagon to pull gas containers to the boat. They also gave me a sweeper that works much better than mine.

I closed the month out with several boat trips to John Sawyer Bank where I enjoyed the sunshine, the fish flying through the air, a shark half as big as my boat, a huge spotted sting ray jumping out of the water, and all the birds holding some kind of loud convention. I came back and washed my boat down, before heading to the pool for an evening swim. I and many others really enjoy the heated pool, which is almost always 88°. The next day I finally got up early enough to take all the aluminum cans people have been giving me to the recycle place by the old Napa store. I got enough money for a delicious meal at Mickey D's, which is a treat and a change of pace for me. Later that evening, I got social by attending another ice cream social. We have a full park which is great. The more the merrier. It is satisfying to say hello to all the old friends and new. And on top of that we can all be deliriously happy to celebrate the Chinese New Year!

Guest Meows!
This is Larry for Ariel. She and her two cats, Harry and Emily, gave us some wonderful Cat Chat articles this month. We are gratified that we can offer this regular article about some wonderful cats and their human bean with visits by a dragon! Please visit the Memorial Page for Ariel's mother. Click the cat wagging its tail graphic to visit their net home. Thank you. Now here is Harry, Chester, Atom, and Emily with Cat Chat:


Cat Chat 01-03-01
The Cat In The Mirror

Atom: Oh! Oh! A turrble ting happen! It were sceery it were! Yous nose dat cat, what yous sees in da mirror?

Emily: I never look in the mirror. I nose I'm beautiful!

Atom: What yous talkin bout? Yous can't sees yousef in da mirror! Dar be a cat dar alla time, but it isn't you nor me! Me tries to catch dat cat, but I neber can. Me pways wid him some, but he won't come outta da mirror. An it's funny too, cause he don't have no smell like oder cats do.

Chester: Heehee! Atom thinks that there really is a cat in the mirror! He doesn't realize it's only him! Teeheehee!

Atom: How can it be me? Me's not in da mirror! Me's out here, on da oder side ub da mirror. Yous is jus tryin to confuse me. Me nose dat dar be a cat in dar what wants to pway, but he won't come out...at least, not til da oder day!

Harry: We might as well humor the monster. He obviously thinks that cat in the mirror is a real cat. Not just a reflection of him.

Atom: Ub course he's real! What does yous tink me's bin tellin yous? Um...what's a flection?

Chester: A reflection is what you see when you look in a mirror. The mirror shows all the things that are on this side of it, like you and Mom and your basket and all the other stuff in the room.

Atom: Well, me nose dat dar be a Mom in dar like our Mom, an dat oder cat, he hab a basket like mine. An dar be tings dat look lots like day do here, only different. Day is all bakerds-like. So, a flection is what dat oder world inside da mirror be called! Wow! Me neber nosed dat! But, dat cat in da mirror, he found a way to come outta da mirror da oder day.

Harry: What in the world are yous talking about? I think the kid has flipped his lid!

Emily: I doesn't tink he eber had a lid to flip! Heehee. But I tinks I nose what he's talkin bout.

Atom: Yeah, yous was dar, Em. Yous saw da cat from da mirror too! He were right dar on da outside steps, talkin an eberyting. Now, me nose dat sometime da outside world look like da flection world. Me cin see da deck stuff what day hab in dat oder world. But den too me's bin in da outside world a few times, an it don't seem like no flection. Dar's all sortsa stuffers out dar dat isn't in da house. Da leabs an da grass an squirrels and stuffers what is in da outside world isn't in da house. But da oder day, me tinks maybe da worlds got all mixed up or somethin, cause dat cat from da flection world were right dar just like he were Emily or Harry! An Emily, she were growlin at dat cat just like it were me!

Emily: I gots to admit he does look a lot like yous. But he smells different.

Atom: Well, ub course he do! He alays looked like me, but he isn't me, so how could he smell like me? Anyways, me neber smelled him before. Da Moms, day tought it were funny an tooked me out on da deck to see da flection cat. Me looked at him thru da clear stuffers what Mom put up on da deck, and sniffed at him under da door, an he were looking at me like he alays do, but he was talkin an sniffin . Me neber heared him talk before atall neider. An he meowed an me hissed an me runded cross da deck an hid under da daybed, cause me nosed he weren't sposed to be here! He were just wrong, me meow.

Chester: That's because the cat in the mirror isn't real, and the cat you saw outside was.

Emily: Yeah, an yous was a sceerdy cat too! Heehee! You acts all tough an stuffers round da house, but yous sees a freeloader cat your size an you runs and hides! It were real funny! Teeheehee! Atom: Yous all isn't making no sense atall! Yous said it were a flection world. A world is a world is a world, me meow! Dar's just too much stuffers in da way in da mirror flection world fur me to smell or hear da cat, dat's what me tinks. But when he got out into da outside flection world dar wasn't enough stuffers to stop up da smell an da meows. Me tink dat da outside world is sorta half flection world an half our world, a sorta in between space, yous nose? Like, dar's Mom's bedroom, what is one world, and Mom2's end ub da house what start at da hallway, what be anoder world, and den dar be da libin room an kitchen, which is in between-like places. Yous nose what me means?

Chester: You know, the kid makes a weird kind of sense. Sort of. The two ends of the house are kind of like different worlds, with the living room and kitchen sort of shared places. Transition places, you could almost say.

Harry: Yeah, but we can go between Mom's world and Mom2's world. We can't go into the world behind the mirror, even if we go outside.

Atom: How does yous nose? Hab yous eber tried?

Harry: Well, no, but...it's not a real world, silly kitten!! It's just a reflection! That cat you saw was just a freeloader like all the others.

Emily: But where does all da oders come from? Mom says an says dat she jus don't nose where da moma cat ub all dem freeloaders comes from. Maybe da moma stays in da flection world an da freeloaders come into dis one an sometimes da get caught an can't go back. Claws and Tails! I can't believe I'm tinking like dat stupid monster kitten! But it makes lotsa sense. Deese cats jus keep comin, an we doesn't nose from where. We doesn't eben nose where Atom come from. Maybe he's from da flection world too! Dat would splain why dat new freeloader cat looks like him, don't yous tink?

Harry: Now I think yous have flipped your lid! The flection world isn't a real world! No cats come outta there!

Chester: Well, now, how do we know that? I mean, think of the internet. The Moms talk to people they never see, but that doesn't mean the people they talk to aren't real just because they can't see them. So, maybe, by the same token, just because we can see the reflection world but can't interact with the cats and dragons there doesn't mean it isn't real. It just means we can't reach them. Maybe the stuff on the other side of the mirror really is as real as the people the Moms talk to on the internet. Atom: See? Me tol yous! Dat cat was from da flection world an he's real an he's wrong an me nosed it alla time!

Emily: Well, if day are from da flection world, I wished we could figure out a way to send dem back! An make sure day can't get back here too!

Atom: Maybe yous could ask one ub dem.

Emily: I don't think they'd tell me, cause they seems to like it here and an wouldn't want to find out how to make dem stay away.

Harry: I think you're all crazy! I'm going to bed. (wanders off to the bedroom).

Atom: Maybe dar's a big mirror outside somewheres an ifn we finds it and breaks it dar won't be no flection cats no more.

Emily: Ifn dar is, I neber seed it. An I's not gonna go lookin fur it eider! Who nose what might be dar? Dat nasty white tom cat is bad enuff, what if dar's more like him dar?

Chester: Hmmm...you may be right, there. Anyway, it's probably a long ways away if you've never seen it. And maybe it's something else entirely. I think we better just forget about trying to do anything about anything coming from the reflection world. If anything really does come from there. The best we can do, I think, is to just try to chase off any freeloaders that come along, no matter where they come from.

Atom: Yous two do da chasing! Me's gonna hide under da daybed!

Emily: Sceerdy cat! Heehee!

Cat Chat 01-11-01
Mom's Sceery Pointments

Chester: Mom was real worried the last couple of weeks because of this letter she got. See, Mom has been on Social Security Disability for years and years. I think we told you that before, I think. Mom2 is on Social Security Disability too, because they both have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Anyway, months and months ago Mom got this letter from Social Security saying it was time for her review--that's to make sure she is still too sick to work...

Emily: Ub course she is still too sick to work at a job outsida da house! She hab to rest alla time. Which is good, cause it means she don't vacuum an stuffers alla time--heehee!

Harry: Yeah, that's one good thing. But sometime it takes them furever to feed us! Mom2 has a hard time bending over, and they neither one of them move furry fast, specially in the morning. But I love them anyways, cause they's the best Moms a kitty could have, I meow! Ifn Mom had to go out an work, she'd just never make it! I think she'd just fall over and die in a few days, and then what would we do?

Chester: That just won't happen! Surely those Social Security people aren't that mean! But that's why Mom has been so worried, because just a couple of weeks ago they sent her a letter saying she had to go to see these two different doctors that the Social Security people picked to make sure Mom is still sick.

Harry: I nose, I heared the Moms talking bout it. Mom2 says it's just standard stuffers, but Mom is still all worried.

Emily: Dat's turrible! Dose beans shouldn't oughta do stuffers like dat to Mom! Don't day nose dat da Moms get all sicker ifn day get worried and stressed out-like?

Harry: I don't think they care. All they cares bout is whether someone is getting money that they shouldn't be getting.

Atom: But da Moms hab to get da money or we'll all starb to deaf! Dose be mean mean beans, me meow! Me don't like dem not atall!

Chester: I don't like them either, and neither do the Moms, but it's something they have to do to still get the money we all need to live. And poor Mom gets all sick like Em said. She gets tired and has to sleep more and still is tired, and gets headaches! Poor Mom! Those Social Security people better treat her right! She went to the first appointment a couple of weeks ago. She had Grandpa drive her, because she didn't get hardly any sleep the night before worrying and was so so tired.

Emily: Even worse she got dat ting on her nose what she gets when she's stressed out. She calls it da cold sore from Heck. Well, not really Heck, but dis is a fambly column! Heehee! Anyways, she gets this thing dat's all sore and icky looking. At least when she went to dat mean ole Social Curity bean vet she was lookin an feelin extra bad, so hopefully dat bean nosed she was really sick. Dat's da bad ting bout what the Moms hab, is dat mosta da time da look healthy like horses, like they says. No one nose day is sick atall!

Harry: Yeah, that is bad. I think that's why Mom was so worried, cause beans just don't nose or unnerstand.

Atom: Well, ifn day nosed her day would nose she can't work or nuttin. Didn't she tell dem all bout dat?

Chester: Yes, but they still want to check to make sure she isn't making it up.

Emily: Dat's jus plain mean ub dem, I meow! An den she had to go to anoder bean vet this week! Like one weren't enuff! She didn't sleep again, plus this bean vet was alla way in Asheville, which is a long drive when yous is tired, da Moms say, plus she didn't have no idea where this place was. She habed an address an a map what day sent her, but still she had to find da place cause it wasn't anywhere normal.

Harry: Yeah, Grandpa had to drive her again. It's a good thing Mom has Grandpa. I don't nose what she would do without him. He's a real good bean, fur sure! And it sure is good that he did drive her to dat pointment, cause finding the place was a real mess! Mom says she woulda gived up ifn she had been all alone, cause she wouldn'ta nosed what to do or how to go or anything! See, the stupid Social Curity beans, they sent her a map, only it were the wrong map. An the map was wrong too. I mean, ok, see, it's like this: the map said the street that the place she was sposed to go to was like 3 miles from these two big hospital places. So Grandpa drove the almost 3 miles and then they realized that they was nowhere near where the street should be that they were looking for! The map was wrote out all wrong. So Grandpa nosed a way to get back and try to find the street, and even tho he noses Asheville purrty well, they bout got lost, but finally they found the place and they thought well good, here we are, but it wasn't the right place. Cause the place wasn't where the map said it would be even if it was right. Am I making any sense at all?

Chester: Yes, you are, even though it sounds confusing. And it was very confusing for them. Mom says when they went into the place and got told that it wasn't the right place and they had to go somewhere else that Mom had no idea where it was, she would have gone home right then, if she hadn't already. But Grandpa thought he knew how to get where they had to go, so off they drove, and finally they thought they found the place, but when they got in the building, the office of the doctor person didn't seem to be anywhere, so they wandered around, with Mom getting more frustrated and upset and exhausted by the minute, and finally they found the right place.

Emily: Dat's jus ridicalus! Here day makes poor Mom goes to dis place an den day don't eben tell her da right way to get dare! An Mom says eben Grandpa was getting mad an frustrated, an Mom she were breaking out in welts. She does that sometime when tings isn't goin good.

Atom: Me'd like to beat dem sosacurity beans up good! Day has no rights to make her all sick an unhappy like dat! Yous jus see ifn me gets holda dem, day be nuttin but bits ub fluff, like my scratchin post!

Emily: Yeah, yous talks big, but you runned from dat mirror cat! Heehee!

Atom: Mean beans what make Mom sick an unhappy is lots diffrent den a weird cat! Me's not sceered ub any bean atall!

Chester: Well, I'm sure Mom would appreciate the sentiment, but I don't think tearing them to fluff will help, even if you could get hold of them. Anyway, Mom says this second doctor was a psychiatrist doctor, and while they were talking he said she shouldn't worry because it's very doubtful that Social Security will take away her money. So that's good, but Mom will still be worried until she knows for sure that everything is ok.

Emily: When will they let her nose?

Harry: Soon would be nice, but prolly not fur weeks and months, noseing the way these people work. They want Mom to do stuff right exactly when they want her to, but they can just hang around and make her wait. It's happened before. It took her two years to get the Social Curity in the first place!

Atom: Beans is strange people, me meows. Day should be more like cats, jus have fun an eat an sleep an not do stuff to worry oder people.

Harry: Oh, like you never do anything to worry other people! You're alays getting in trouble.

Atom: Dat's different. Me's jus pwayin. Me's not hurtin no one.

Harry: Well, yous sure isn't helping anyone by jumping on my head most every morning! I've had enuff of that a long time ago!

Atom: Me's can't hep it, me's a kitten!

Chester: Harry's right, Atom. You need to stop that. You know it makes the Moms upset. That's why you get cage time. But you're right too. People should be more like cats and dragons and not do things to worry other people. I hope Mom finds out what they decide soon.

Emily: Me too, cause I don't want to have to go get a job. I don't even nose what I would do!

Harry: Me neither! Sides, I'm too old to work!

Chester: I really don't think we have to worry. Mom will get her money and everything will be fine.

Atom: Yous sure bout dat?

Chester: Yes, because that's the way it has to be. That's all.

Atom: Ifn you says so, me trusts yous. Me jus doesn't trust dem curity beans!

Chester: No one does, Atom. No one does.

Cat Chat 01-23-01
Good Stuffers and Bad Stuffers

Harry: Well, we have some good stuffers and some bad stuffers to tell yous all. First, one of the bestest things is that Mom got a letter from the Social Security beans and they said that Mom is going to get her money fur good!

Chester, Emily, and Atom: Yay!!!!!

Emily: Dat's fur sure bout da bestest ting we could find out fur Mom. She's so furry relieved bout dat. I wished we had such good news bout Mom2. She needs good news bad. She's had some furry not good tings goin on. Fur one ting, she had to hab'd to go to da furry woist kinda bean vet ub dem all, what's called a dentist bean vet! An dat mean ole dentist bean vet went an put a crow in her mouf! Now, me, wouldn't mind habin a crow in my mouf at all. Crows taste yummy, I meow! But Mom2 weren't happy bout it atall. I guess beans doesn't like da way crows taste. An anyways, I don't unnerstand how come dat bean vet would put a crow in Mom2's mouf anyways. I doesn't make no sense atall!

Chester: Teeheehee! Silly cat! The dentist didn't put a crow in Mom2's mouth! He put a crown in her mouth!

Atom: Me tawt da a crown were a good ting. Kings and queens an beans like dat hab crowns. Yous hab read us Mom's long story where da kings and princesses and stuffers wear crowns. So how come is Mom2 unhappy bout habin a crown in her mouf?

Chester: It's not that kind of a crown. It's something dentists put on top of teeth that aren't strong anymore to make them stronger. Lots of people have to get crowns in their mouth. Some people, like Grandpa bean, have to have crowns when they're real young because their teeth get broken. See, when Grandpa was a little boy he was playing baseball and a ball hit him in his front teeth and broke them and he had to get them all fixed. He has lots of crowns now, because people's teeth don't always last as long as the people do, and they have to have the dentists fix them.

Emily: Is dat what happened to Mom2? I means, did she hab a baseball breaked her toof so as she had to get a crown?

Harry: I don't think it was a baseball, but I think it broke somehow. Anyways, she had to have one, fur some reason.

Atom: But dat's good den, case now her toof is strong an stuffers, right?

Harry: Well, that part is good, or it will be after she goes back to have the permnant one put in. I don't nose why, but the dentist bean vets can't do stuffers all at once. They have to have people come back and back and back again. I don't think they're furry good bean vets at all.

Emily: She has to go back? Well, dat's not good! Going to a vet bean is bad enuff just oncet! I tink yous right, Harry. Deese dentist bean vets aren't furry good or nice neider!

Harry: Not only that, but it costed her lots of money, and yous nose the Moms don't have lots of money!

Atom: Me tink Mom2 oughta hab jus stayed way from dat bean vet.

Harry: But ifn she'd done that her tooth woulda been hurting alla time. As it were, she was hurting lots when she came back from the nasty dentist bean vet, all from having to hold open her mouth long and long and all the other stuffers they does. She had to eat nothing but soup and soft stuffers fur days cause her mouth hurt. But it's better now, and hopefully she won't get all hurt getting her permnant one.

Emily: That's bad! Poor Mom2! But it'll be good to hab it all ober wid, I meow!

Chester: Yes, that is the good thing about it, and it's only a couple of days before she goes and gets it all finished.

Atom: Dat's good! Den eberytin will be fine!

Chester: Well, not everything, but there are some other good things. Like for instance, Mom decided that instead of buying all sorts of stuffers for Mom2 for her birthday and Valentine's Day and their anniversary and Christmas, she would buy her one big gift for all year. See, Mom2's puter was getting old and she really needed a new one. So Mom went and had one built especially for Mom2, with all the things she needed.

Atom: Dat's real real good! Me nose how much Mom2 lubs to pway on her puter.

Harry: Yeah, but when Mom first brought it home something was wrong with the CD-ROM drive. The thing was bonkers!!

Emily: Yeah, dat's was bad. The Moms was both mad and upset. So Mom had to take it back and make the bean what made it put in a new ROM drive. Den da new puter worked fine, and Mom2 likes is bunches, I tink.

Atom: Well, den, dat's good den! Eberyting's jus fine!

Chester: Well, not quite. Remember us talking about Mom's unfriends that stole stuffers from her when they were supposed to do work for her?

Harry: I sure member! Mom2's been tryin to get dem nasty unfriends to do her right fureber!

Chester: Well, you knew she went and got a judge to say that the unfriends had to pay her. But the unfriends have made sure that they are dragging things out as long as they can. I think they think maybe Mom2 will give up if they don't do what they're supposed to.

Emily: Dat's real bad! I wished I could tear dem nasty unfriends up! Day's bin nuttin but trouble. Day's eben more trouble den Atom, and dat's sayin somethin!

Chester: That's for sure! Well, they are going to go to court to whine to the judge about how they don't have money to pay that the other judge said they have to pay. And they were supposed to let Mom2 know that they were going to go whine, because Mom is supposed to go there too, but they didn't. Mom found out about it from the people at the courthouse. So anyway, both Mom's are going to go and hear what kind of whining the unfriends do.

Emily: Is dat good or bad?

Harry: Well, it's good cause it means that maybe Mom2 will be able to say how much they're lying, and also cause eventually they's gonna have to pay. But it's bad because Mom2 has to see those nasty beans again, and it still might be a while before Mom2 gets her money.

Atom: But she'll get it, won't she?

Chester: Yes, she will. It's just that the unfriends are going to make it as hard and long as possible before they give up the money. So it's good and bad.

Atom: Why can't tings eber be jus good?

Emily: Fur da same reason yous can't jus be good. It's da way tings is. Fur instance, both the Moms got dis bean sickness called flu dis week. An it's bad dat day's sick, but it's good dat day get to stay home and stay in bed as much as day need to. Some beans don't get to do dat cause day hab to work. So eben doe it's bad dat day gets sick, it's good dat day is already sick so as day can stay home when day gets sicker. Sides, it's furry good when Mom stays in bed lots, cause we gets to snuggle wid her.

Harry: I'm not sure the Moms would see getting sick as good, but you're right about getting to snuggle with them. I love it when Mom stays in bed and snuggles. So I guess yous could say that not everything that is good is all good, and not everything that is bad is all bad. There's a little of both in everything, I meow.

Chester: I think you're right about that, Harry. But I sure hope as this year goes on the Moms get a whole lot more good than bad!

Harry: Me too! And I think maybe they will, once all this bad stuff gets done with. It's gonna be a good year. I just nose it!

Cat Chat 01-27-01
Early Deadline

Chester: Ebony and Abby's human, who prints our columns every month in Ebony and Abby's Journal...well, he calls it the Schaffer Journal but it's really Ebony and Abby's. Anyway, he wrote Mom last night saying he got the journal published on time. Mom said what the heck are you talking about, the journal doesn't come out until the 1st of February, or at the earliest the 31st of this month. And all he would say is "details, details." That's a line from a movie, I don't know if he knew that or not. So anyway, in order to get our Cat Chats into the Journal, we have to write this one early. Personally, I don't think it's fair. I mean, Mom has to work under a deadline every week for her column over at Star Trek Central, but cats and dragons shouldn't be held to deadlines. We don't work in human time at all. We work in our own time. But like I was saying, here I am, writing this column early, and I don't know what to write about. The cats are all ignoring me-they don't do deadlines, they say.

Emily (rolling around on the carpet): Yous can talk bout how bootiful I am.

Chester: Why are you rolling around like that? You look ridiculous!

Emily: No I don't. I look bootiful! The Mom's tell me so alla time when I do dis.

Chester: Yeah, but the Moms aren't around, and to me you look ridiculous.

Emily: I doesn't care what yous tink. I gotta practice so the Moms will fuss ober me like they does every night at dinner.

Chester: I have to tell you readers, that's the silliest thing I've ever seen! See, every night Mom makes dinner and the Moms both sit at the coffee table in the living room and eat. They don't have a dining room table or a kitchen table because Mom uses the kitchen as her computer room. Well, during dinner Emily puts on this show. She rolls over on her back on the carpet and makes herself look all cute and beautiful-at least she and the Moms think so. Em really lays it on thick and the Moms go "awww, she beeuootiful! What a bootiful girl she is!" and stuff like that. And the more they ooo and awww at her, the more Em rolls around and acts silly. And Mom will ask Em if she's beautiful and she'll say "yes, of course I'm bootiful." I tell you, it's so cute it sickening. The Moms talk about taking a video of her and sending to "The World's Cutest Animals" or something like that. I don't think that's really the show's name, but you know what I mean.

Emily: What's wrong with that? I could be a TV star! I'm way more bootiful than any of those nanimals I seed on them shows!

Chester: She's not too modest, is she? Heehee! The funniest thing is, she will only talk when Mom talks to her. She won't say anything when Mom2 talks to her. At least not when they're doing the beautiful thing. Why don't you talk to Mom2 when you're doing the beautiful thing, Em?

Emily: Cause, I jus don't. I doesn't nose why. But Mom alays asks me ifn I'm bootiful, so it makes sense to tell her ub course I am.

Chester: Silly cat!! But they all have their quirks. Like Harry. I mean, I know he's old and all and he has a right to be fussy, but boy does he have the Mom's trained! He won't eat cat food anymore at all. At least, he won't eat the food part, just the juice part. So the Moms have to buy all of these packages of "Whiskas," and squeeze out all the juice for Harry. And then sometimes they give the food part to Emily and Atom, but there's always too much because Harry really sucks down the juice, and Mom doesn't want to put it outside for the freeloaders because that means there'll just be more freeloaders and she just barely got rid of most of them this spring and it cost her $20 to do it. So she has to throw some of it away. And with the "Whiskas" juice, he has to have baby food. It has to be beef and broth flavor, except sometimes he wants something else and he'll turn up his nose at the beef and broth. And then the Mom's have to have cans of people tuna and pour some tuna juice over the "Whiskas" juice and the baby food and stir it all up. And then he'll eat. Sometimes. But then sometimes he'll just sit there staring, so they have to get out the butter. It's not real butter, is this yogurt butter stuff they eat, and they have to spread some of that on the edge of the plate. And of course they have to wash out his water bowl and put down fresh water. He won't drink out of the water bowl that Atom and Emily have. And all this has to happen at least five or six times a day! About three times a day they have to pick up the plate they had fixed a couple of hours before and just dump out what Harry wouldn't eat and start with a fresh clean plate or he won't eat at all. I really can't believe they go through all that, but they do, day after day. It's amazing!

Emily: What's wrong wid dat? When I'm old I'm gonna be all fussy too!

Chester: You wouldn't know what fussy was! You'll eat anything as long as it's not people food.

Emily: Well, yeah, but I like to be offered people food. It's jus polite of the Moms, yous nose?

Chester: Yeah, and then the Vacuum Cleaner sucks it up! Teehee! Oh, that's what the Moms call Atom at suppertime. He'll eat anything. When you hear Mom call: "Atom Ant!" you know she's dropped some food on the floor, then he runs up like a miniature heard of elephants and eats whatever's been dropped. He eats peas and onions and loves tortilla chips.

Emily: He's a pig!

Harry (wandering in from the bedroom): Look who's talking! Heehee! Moooooommmmmmm! I need fresh food! Moooommmm!!!!! (Harry wanders down the hall).

Chester: Harry weighs like six pounds at most, but that voice of his could wake the dead. I swear, you can hear him outside the trailer with all the windows and doors closed! Em and Atom can't meow anywhere near as loud as that. Em just sort of mews, and Atom has this kind of purr-chirp. Mom thinks it's really cute. He's really schizoid, though. Sometimes he's really sweet and lovey-dovey. Mom calls him Romeo then. He gives the Moms kisses and snuggles all over them. And then all of a sudden he turns into maniac, running all over the place attacking everyone. And he's getting so big!! He's not a year old yet, but he's hardly a kitten anymore. He only gets in trouble now when he attacks Harry. It's so weird. He can go for days being sweet, and then all of a sudden he jumps Harry three or four times in one day. Sometimes I think he'll never learn that he shouldn't do that.

Atom (running in): What won't me neber learn not to do?

Chester: Attack Harry.

Atom: Oh. But me doesn't tack him, me jus wanna pway. Cept Harry don't like to pway.

Chester: He's too old to play with you. You're too big and rough and rowdy.

Atom: Dat's me! So, what did yous decide to write da clolumn bout?

Chester: Well...I guess I wrote it about you cats. And how silly you all are.

Atom: Why doesn't yous write bout how silly yous is?

Chester: Haha! Well, maybe another time. Or maybe I'll leave that up to you cats. After all, I did all the work this week.

Atom: OK, me'll tell Em an Harry. Next week we'll talk all bout how silly Chester is! Heehee!

Chester: You just do that. I'm going to get Mom to get this column sent off to Ebony and Abby. Mom! The column's finished!

Cat Chat is © 1999 - 2008, 2009 Ariel, Emily, Harry, and Chester the Dragon. All rights reserved worldwide. This column may not be reprinted in part or whole without express permission of Ariel.

Poetry Corner
“Ghosts in Our Houses” 1.22.01 
by L. E. Shaffer © 2001 L. E. Shaffer

Look, are we not
All ghosts in
Our own houses
Dwellings spectral

Aimless and useless
Drifting life
As stars
Full of dust

Are we not
All spirits lost
Fighting for
What we got

Craving an exercise
In utter futility
So good these tears
Eyes full of stars

Are we not
All slaves of real life
Do what we must
And foolish obsessions

Are we not all
Skeletons in houses
So old to be
Beyond ancient

Savoring what is gone
Misery over what we have
Only specters inhabit
Our lives in these houses

© 2001 L. E. Shaffer

Hockey Puck
The Florida Panthers won a game this week. I was ecstatic, but the NHL continues to entertain even if my favorite team falters. I look forward to the All Star Game coming up soon. There is still hope that the Panthers will rise further from near the bottom of the league. They are really a much better team, but for some mysterious reason just can't click this season. The NFL's Super Bowl pits the Baltimore Ravens against the New York Giants. Since the Ravens used to be from Cleveland and never won a Super Bowl, I am rooting for them. MLB continues to spend money like they are a second-rate country. Baseball isn't even exciting either. Go figure. The Miami Heat of the NBA are really a surprise success without Alonzo. Tiger Woods is struggling at the beginning of the PGA tour. I hope he gets back on track. Speaking of track, NASCAR will be back very soon starting with its super bowl event at Daytona. I can't wait. Can you?

Guest Articles
We have a special poem by Katje with explanation from hubby and a promo from Jackie. As always these articles are copyright respective artists listed.

When a can of Whiskas was defective containing only the juice and not the treat, Rajah pawed the following letter:

Dear Sir Whiskas

First of all, let me explain,
That I have not come to complain.
On the contrary, to my friends and me
The matter was settled most amicably.

Full of praise I am, about “Whiskas” kidney and meat
A product like that is hard to beat
I might also tell you, I broke my habit
And tried your new “Whiskas” meat and rabbit.
You don’t have to worry, if I am an example of that.
This product is worthy of the most fastidious cat.

Another thing to bring to your attention,
Nothing on me that we can’t mention,
Your flea collar put that matter right
My coat is shiny and life very bright.
So with all your care and the love I get,
I am the world’s most happy cat.
(My friends also)

Remaining yours most
Amicably so,
“Rajah”
Speaking also for Venus, Fluffy and Co.

Note: Whiskas later sent an apology letter along with some freebies to make up for the gaffe.

Copyright 1974 - 2001 Anita W.

The Mountains of Ao
Tears from Ao and three poetry collections, Pages of Life, Visions of Life, and Moments of Life are available electronically at http://RunesofAo.com/aobp/. The Runes of Ao project, The Mountains of Ao novel currently on chapter 13 of 22, and the The Book of Kalian Mysticism poetry collection are all works in progress. Also a collaboration with K. Young on a novella called Dragon Embers is now published on the webzine called The Outer Rim and the fan site known as Runes of Ao.

The Dull Stuff
Inputs and letters to this journal are subject to approval by Ebony and Abby. Submittals may be edited for content and become the property for the one-time nonexclusive publication of:

Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company
Merchant Occupational License #48210-0076151
PO Box 501833
Marathon FL 33050-1833
(305) 743-9648 voice/data/fax

Internet URLs: http://RunesofAo.com
http://RunesofAo.com/aobp/
http://RunesofAo.com/ebony/
http://RunesofAo.com/abby/

Publication date: January 28, 2001
Author: L. E. Shaffer
Company: Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company &
Shaffer Internet Publishing Company
© 1995 - 2008, 2009 L. E. SHAFFER
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WORLDWIDE
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
FIRST PRINTING

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