 The Shaffer Journal
Volume 7 Issue 6 June 2001
[Internet Stuff] [Hockey Puck] [Guest Meows! Cat Chat 1 2 3 4]
[The Mountains of Ao] [Poetry Corner] [The Dull Stuff] [Guest Articles] [In The Keys]
Kitty Talk
These journals are dedicated to Kitty GreyCat's spirit. She is at RainBow Bridge now. We all loved you, Kitty! Click the cat graphic to visit her Memorial page. Kitty born June 6, 1982. Died July 9, 1997.
 This is Ebony. I had a wonderful birthday in May. I am five now or 36 in cat years. No, I am not old! Meow! This month we have lots of fings happening that make us happy, laugh, and meow. There were lots of bird fings, scary fings, yummy fings, and lots of other fings. Now you all be nice to cats and bite them dogs on the ears. That would make all of us cats so happy, you nose. This is Abby, and I am glad that Ebony is older than me. She try to act all special and full of herself though. What is more important is the arrival of warblers from Cuba. They not very cat smart. I even caught one. I pawed it around and laid on it some, but I didn't eat it. I nose you human beans not like it when us cats do stuff like this, but what do you expect from us natural hunters. Why even Ebony almost caught one, and she most always only interested in yucky lizards. Don't look at me like that! I not a monster. The big white bird even got a warbler. It tried to clean it in the pool, and Donna chased it off. And if you think all that was exciting, I almost got the catnip bag down from where our human bean put it. He put it in a Ziploc baggies and hang it high where us cats supposedly not able to get at it. But I studied that situation for ages, almost half an hour I think. I climbed, clawed, and finally got close to that bag full of yummy nummy catnip. I only succeeded in putting holes, tiny and round, in that catnip bag. I was exhausted and quit to go catnap. No, not catnip, catnap. Meow, there is a difference. This is Ebony and speaking of my birthday, I got to walk around the park leading my human bean around by the leash. He good at following me everywhere. We walked into the front office of the park we live in. I smelled everything and explored. In the corner, I find something awful. Princess, the office cat. She was not happy and hissing and yeowing. I was not brave and lead the human bean right out of there right away, fast like. We walked down by the docks and met another monster. Thomasina, the point cat. I stand up for myself and hissed, yeowed, and growled. I am very surprised when the point cat run away. I would have run, if that point cat meow at me. All of the sudden, I hear thunder and see lightning. I run with human to our home. We join Abby and hide on human bean's bed. We all stayed close until the scary weather passed. Well, that is my birthday adventures. This is Abby, and human bean cleaned the carpet with a monster machine that make me hide. I watch from the cabinet above the bed, while the human bean get that monster machine to wet on the carpet, suds it up, and suck all that dirt and stuffers into that monster machine's tummy. It was hideous and make all kinds of bad noises. I not like it at all, I meow. Well, human bean have pity on me and put me outside, where I immediately, if not sooner, went to my dust pit under the trailer and proceeded to get covered from nose to tail with nifty dust. I like that so much, I meow. Soon it start to rain, them me and Ebony wanted in to not get wet. We don't like wet. We inside for a while, and then wanted out to see if it stopped rain. We like to be outside. We got outside and it raining. We wanted back in. We don't like wet. Soon we wanted out again to see if it stopped raining. Ebony and I repeated this until the human bean screamed at the top of his voice. I wonder why he did that? Internet Stuff
We were introduced to http://www.NetFlix.com by Krash. This service rents out DVDROM movies. Of course, DVDROM movies are great with clear digital pictures, incredible sound, and lots of bonus features. There are different levels for people with varying needs. You can have 8 movies out at a time for $49.95 per month or 2 for $13.95. You watch the movies and return them in the provided envelope. Even here in the Florida Keys where the mail is so very slow, you always get about 3 times the base number. So for the 2 movies out level, you can see 6 movies during the month at least. If you rented that many at Blockbuster in town, it would be $24 plus the expense of the gas to get there and back plus the return trip. This is so much more convenient and cheaper. Try the service out and see for yourself. The end of Star Trek: Voyager was sad, but there is a new show coming next season. The new show is called Star Trek: Enterprise. The show is supposed to be set before the 1960s. I am not sure how that is supposed to work, but I look forward to the new season. I will miss the old show. I hope a new Star Trek movie is coming out soon. Anyway, checkout http://www.StarTrek.com for details. The adventures continue. Another great place to visit is http://www.NationalGeographic.com. I have always enjoyed their shows, and their website is super. The old magazine is more than super. They have the greatest shows and articles respectively. Last and not least is http://www.msn.com which has instituted a new anti-spam mechanism. They developed secure servers which screen incoming email and label it spam. Then you can use your Outlook applications to delete said offending email. I can only hope that more major Internet players adopt similar strategies. In The Keys
Swimming pool adventures are not only interesting but productive. I have volunteered to keep our fine swimming pool swept, the decks scrubbed, the pool furniture cleaned, and all the weedy plants pulled. I've skimmed the surface of the pool numerous times to remove bugs and debris. Many people during the summer use the pool. I was quite surprised how many. The temperature of the water is much better now that we have had some sunny days. Whenever there are windy, cloudy, or rainy days or any combination the temperature rapidly decreases, but the heat pump comes on to compensate. One of the most important factors in our park is the swimming pool, and I avail myself of its pleasures daily and sometimes twice or more. Of course, the prime factor in our park are the owners. They are super and keep us living here. Remember how we were trying to find that song called At Last last month? Well, we figured out who really sang the song. It was not Sarah Vaughn as we had first thought. It ended up being someone else entirely. Etta James does the song and quite well. Mike and Kelly loaned me the CD. I recorded it and play the music often. Every selection is great, but I really love that tune, At Last. John Sawyer Bank is more interesting than any of us knew. I visit this place about two miles from Gulfstream almost every day. There is this black bird who claims ownership of a pole that sticks up out of the water. I think the pole is from some sunken vessel from long ago, but it is hard to tell. While out there soaking up the sun and the fun, some Cuban warbler flew out to the boat and flitted around for a while before taking off for parts unknown. One day the strangest thing happened. I saw the sun directly overhead surrounded by a ring of clouds or smoke. I couldn't tell which for sure. On the edge of the ring of smoke was a rainbow. Since that first time, I have seen the same thing on several occasions. My guess is that the effect is caused by the smoke from all the fires up north in Florida. While snorkeling, I have seen reef shark, barracuda, yellowtail, lots of lobsters, hermit crabs, queen conchs, squid, porpoise, and plenty of sting rays. I discovered some sunken stuff where fish hang out, but the most interesting place is close to the north side of the bank. It is a deep depression made from a long-ago beached boat. It is quite long, a bit wide, deep and filled with coral fragments. There are about nine large lobster living there as well. I followed some fishers out to a place between Molasses Key and Money Key. They caught some nice fish. I snorkeled a bit away from their anchorage. There was not much to see, but the water was warm and inviting. The sunset as usual was supernatural. I towed a few boat here and there. When I finally docked at the marina, I saw all sorts of tropical fish right at the piers. There seems to be all sorts of fish in the middle of the marina as well. While cleaning the boat, I discovered a small squid had jumped aboard unknown to me. Unfortunately, the creature had inked its last. I wish I had discovered the animal sooner. I could have tossed it back into the life-giving sea. While adjusting a bimini strap, an old one broke throwing me to the deck. I cut my knee pretty badly, but my first aid kit rescued the day. I thought my troubles were over, when I went to the swimming pool at the end of the boating day. I was swimming laps as is my wont, and I turned to do another lab when I pinched a nerve in my neck. Let me tell you that hurts a lot. Fortunately, I got over both hurts very quickly. Nothing slows me down in paradise. There is too much to do and see! Guest Meows!
 This is Larry for Ariel. She and her three cats, Atom, Dinky, and Emily, gave us some wonderful Cat Chat articles this month. [Harry is at Rainbow Bridge now.] We are gratified that we can offer this regular article about some wonderful cats and their human beans with visits by a dragon! Please visit the Memorial Page for Ariel's mother. Click the cat wagging its tail graphic to visit their net home. Thank you. Now here is Chester the dragon, Atom, Dinky, and Emily with Cat Chat: Cat Chat 05-07-01
Case of the missing mousies....
Chester: We've had a major problem with missing mousies and other toys here recently. Poor little Dinker Doodle has been acting all depressed and moping around for days looking for something to play with.
Emily: You's think that dink dingy scuse for a cat don't know where he done put alla dem silly tings? Da Moms is habin to search eberday fer dat little brat's stuffers! I's neber seed such poking an peakin round fur stuffers in my life! Sheesh! You'd tink dat dink ting were portant or sometin!
Chester: Now Emily, you know the Moms love Dinky, you know and loved mousies and balls and other silly make-shift toys when you were a baby kitten, didn't you?
Emily: Yeah, but dat were differnt cause dat were me! An anyways, dis Dink tingy here jus stays on my last nerves alla time, nebermind ifn he hab toys or not. He jus a pest he is! Why, I can't paw a step widout that little wort followin me or jus nosin round to see if I gots a piece of food, and I'm tired ub it. I don't care one little bit bout dem stoopid toys. I growed up with Harry and we played wid each other. Dat wort oughta be playing with that other wort, Atom, and leab me lone. I got portant tings to do now cause Harry tol me to patrol and keep our yard cleared out from dem freeloading cats. It's a big job too, yous nose. Dem freeloaders jus come an come an day jus won't go way no matter how much I hiisssppppiitt at dem. Jus like dat Dink wort, I meow!!
Chester: Now Emily, you can't tell me you didn't play with toys when you were little. I've even seen you do it. Besides, the Moms have to keep the babies happy, just like they do whatever they can to make you happy. That's their job, you know.
Atom: Hey, me isn't no baby no more! Me done growed all up to be a big bruiser and you nose it. Me just isn't an ole woman cat like Emily is. Teehee! I tink she be going thru da change like what me's heared da Moms talk about how oder older women go thru an she jus isn't too happy atall. Me and Dinky do pway alla time wid each da oder til we's bof about dead and collapses! But we needs dem toys, fur your formation, Miss Em! We pways wid dem toys when we pways wid each da oder too! So dar! Humph!
Dinky (yawning): What is yous sayin bout me toys? Me nose me heared yous talking bout toys an mousies. Dat ole growly Em be plainin agin, isn't she? She alays plain bouts me.
Emily: What is dat insect wort doin talking in da column again? Stop typin what he says, Chester! Dat wort is not lowed to talk in da column!
Chester: You wouldn't let talk at first either. I'm going to type whatever anyone says, so get over it.
Emily: Humph! Uppity dragon!
Dinky (ignoring Emily): Me be a real cat but me ain't sposed to be growed up til some more days go by. How many days it take yous to be growed up anyways? Me ain't lowed to pway outside with boidies and stuffers and I need my mousies and oder toys!
Chester: Well, looks like you're in luck Dink... The moms searched and searched for hours under everything in the house and deck, and somebody, like a little kitten or two, maybe, smacked them all under the kitchen stove, except for 2 or 3 some kitten stashed under a blanket it sleeps on!
Emily: Silly Moms... wastin time and energys on dem tings! I doesn't tink I'll eber hab dem trained right! Harry trained dem fureber an day's still silly as da day is long!
Chester: I guess they are silly, but they had a good laugh after the big search was over. They had no idea how many toys there were until they pulled them all out from under the stove! Heehee!
Emily: Yeah, an dem little monsters laid and watched as the search was goin on, like day didn't nose were dem toys was all long.
Atom: We didn't nose how many toys we'd lost under da stove tingy! We were furry prised to see what day found, wasn't we Dink? Me don't tink me neber seed so many balls an mousies an peanuts an soda caps all in one place before!
Dink: Me toudn't beweeve my eyes (me herred a mom say dat-heehee)! Dar wub bout 8 mousies, 13 balls alla kinds we lub, jus eberting a baby needs! And see Emily, Atom's ben learnin me hows to count to keep up wid alla toys! Me was so furry happy and prised and so wud Atom. We wooked at each oder and dint knows whur to start but we started fast, fur sure! It were special fun pawin true alla dem toys.
Emily: It's wasn't fun fur me! The Moms made a hurrble mess on my special red rug what I cobers all pretty wid cat hair. Day jus piled dem all up dar and laffed an laffed an eben took pitchers! Claws an tails, it were a distgrace. Dat pile of stuffers was bigger dan yous, Dink! Sheesh, what am I doin talking to dat wort! Hissppittt!!!
Dink: Meow, meow, meow, me's so happy baby kitten and me and Atom's alweddy putting our toys alla round the hold house. Da Moms are good an Moms, me meow!
Chester: I hope it is a lesson not to lose your toys and get upset afterwards. As if you two could get any such thing into your furry heads!
Emily: Pffffft hissspittt.... I'm goin out and play wid real toys!
Cat Chat 05-14-01
The Moms and the Air Conditioner
Emily: Boy, dar were such a hullabaloo da oder day we thought da Moms was moofin agin or someting. It didn't start out all dat bad, but it sure got crazy fast!
Atom: It sure did! Me an Dink didn't nose what were goin on, wid all da runnin round an cussin an phone callin an in an out an moofin stuffers around. See, it were a day what started out cool, see, and but den it got hot sorta. An Mom2, she were in her bedroom wid da door closeded like she alays hab it. Me doesn't nose why she hab to hab it closeded alla time. It's a fun place to splore when me's got in.
Emily: I nose, it's not fair. She lets me in sometime, but not much atall! I likes bein in dar, specially wid da door closeded so as yous monsters can't get in and bother me!
Dinky: We's doesn't boder yous! Me doesn't eben dare gets near yous. Yous be too growly mean!
Chester: Smart kid. She could tear you up if she wanted to. But as for Mom2's bedroom, she keeps the door closed so you cats don't get fur all over her bed.
Emily: That doesn't make any sense atall. Beans need fur on dar beds to be cozy. Sides, she likes us furrin eberywhere else. Mom2 is a silly bean sometime, tho. Anyways, we was talking bout da oder day, an Atom was right, Mom2 had dat door all closeded an she was doing stuffers round her bedroom what made her hot an she come out an says to Mom, I jus figgered out my air cornditioner isn't working! I's roastin in dar! An so Mom went in an looked it ober an sure nuff it weren't makin no cold air. Now, we hab air cornditionin all threw da whole house, but wid dat door closed Mom2's bedroom doesn't stay cool enuff atall, so dat's why day hab da oder air cornditioner ting in dar. It's a box what sticks outta da window.
Atom: How come da house air cornditioner doesn't make dat bedroom cool?
Chester: I think it's because the sun shines on that end of the trailer more, and there's only one vent in that bedroom. But Mom2 likes it extra cool when she's sleeping anyway, so even if the house air conditioning did work well in there she would probably want the window air conditioner too. But as it is, it's not a matter of want but rather of need. Mom2 gets real sick feeling when she gets too hot, and she was just about dying, she said. So Mom went in and took out the filter and washed it really good and put it back in, but that wasn't the problem. It just wasn't making cold air at all!
Atom: Yeah, at dis point day were still keeping da door closeded but once day figgered out dar were no way da ting were goin to make cold air, day opened da door, so we gots to peek in...but we didn't get to do much splorin cause too much stuffers were goin on in da livin room where da Moms was tryin to figger out what to do. Mom2 were jus sprawled out on da couch and day turned up da house air cornditioner real real high an she were startin to get cool.
Dinky: But she were moaning an plainin and Mom, she were jus bout beside herselfers not knowin what to do.
Emily: Why is that monster kitten talkin??
Chester: Get over it, Em! We talked about this last week. He's part of the family and he's going to talk in the column. So there!
Emily: Sheesh! Well, anyways, Mom were walkin back an fort from da bedroom to da livin room, scopin out da sitcheashun. An I guess she decided she didn't eben want to try to take out dat air corniditoner from out da window, so she called up dis guy what she nose what works on such tings an he said he couldn't come til da next day. Well so Mom tol Mom2 dat an Mom2 says, oh no, I were friends wid his ex-wife an he don't like me, I'll hab to hide, an anyway day habn't habed dat ting fur eben eight months an it were still in warranty, whateber dat means, an sides day got it at Walmart, an Walmart alays takes stuffers back an Mom is da queen ub takin stuffers back. So Mom, she went and pulled out deese folders from outta dis ting in her closet and started looking fur da receipt what showed how day bought it and any oder stuffers like dat.
Atom: Dat were da fun part. Papers was flyin eberywhere, cause Mom were tossing stuffers on da floor what she didn't need anymore and making piles all ober da place ub diffrent papers and me an Dink got in da middle an pwayed wid alla da stuffers an Mom kept throwin papers on top ub us. It were furry fun!
Chester: Well, but Mom didn't think so, because she couldn't find the receipt! She finally found the owner's manual and a credit card statement that showed what she bought when and where. So then she called WalMart and talked to a manager guy an told him the whole story but made it sound even worse, like she just didn't know what to do cause her sister was sick and all. That's kind of a lie, but Mom calls it stretching the truth--heehee! So the manager guy said just bring everything you can find and they'd exchange it. Well, now things really got bad, because Mom had to go and move the bed and get that air conditioner out of the window. And when she moved the bed the bottom part of it, um, the footboard, fell apart in three pieces!
Emily: Mom were cussin an sweatin an tryin to get it all ok. It got so crazy I jus took off outta dar, dar was pillows and blankets an stuffers jus flyin. I went an hid in da oder bedroom.
Atom: Dink an me was watchin from outside da door, cause it was too sceery to try to go in wid all da stuffers flippin an flyin eberywhere an Mom2 tryin to hep an Mom saying jus stand dar an don't do nuttin. So finally Mom got da nasty ting out from da window an somehow hauled it out to da deck. We could tell it were heavy cause she was all outta breath. She rested fur a minute den she got a wet towel an cleaned it up as good as she could an Mom2 stood guard so as me and Dink couldn't go flyin out da deck door an Mom hauled dat ting down to da car wid Mom2 sayin be careful! Be careful!
Chester: Well, the rest we got told by the Moms, or rather, Mom told Mom2 and we heard what happened. Mom was so frustrated an out of breath when she got to Walmart, an she had a plan all ready. So she put the thing in a cart that was in the parking lot and wheeled it in and she was looking mighty desperate. And she told the old lady at the customer service desk that she didn't know what to do, her sister was an invalid and she had to have the air conditioner and please could she just exchange it, she knew it was a lot to ask because she didn't have the real receipt but she was just praying they would help her and she'd talked to the manager and all sorts of stuff. So the old lady, she felt real bad for Mom, cause Mom had gotten up some tears welling in her eyes, and she said don't worry, lets go back and find one like it. So they did, and brought it back to the counter and gave her the new one. And another old lady had to help the first one figure out how to do the exchange, and all the time Mom was saying God Bless you both and God Bless Walmart, I wouldn't know what to do and on and on. So finally out she went with the new air conditioner and brought it home and she and Mom2 got a good laugh about Mom's big story she told.
Emily: Yeah, but then Mom had to put eberyting back togeder, and dat were harder dan takin it apart! She finally got the ting in da window an it fell out! But it didn't fall far, cause there's this thing sticking out from da trailer right under da window, so Mom just leaned ober and picked it back up, while Mom2 was bout freakin out. An finally after dat she got it in an got da windows closed so as day would hold it...but den she had to put togeder da bed agin!
Atom: Me never heard so much gruntin an groanin an Mom2 was fit to be tied an tryin to help an really couldn't. Mom arranged an rearranged and tugged on da mattress and boxsprung tingy an finally finally got da bed put back togeder, but she had to use lotsa duck tape to make da foot part go back into one piece. She duck taped it so as it will neber eber come part agin! An da Moms was makin jokes bout duck tape an how yous can use it fur anyting. An after like four hours Mom2 had an air cornditioner dat worked!
Chester: Yeah, but the best part is, the one Mom got is even nicer than the other one! It has a remote control so she can turn it on and off and up and down while she is lying down. So Mom2 was happy as a lark and Mom was about dead. But they were both happy it worked out, and Mom called and canceled the guy who was going to come fix it.
Emily: An sometin eben better come ub alla da trouble, cause way under da bed where only us kitties could get was a box an inside ub dat box was tings what Mom2 habed been looking fur fur eber since she moofed in here wid us! Some was jus stuff she really really wanted an was upset cause it were missin, an but some were real treasures what she habed fur years an years an meant da whole world to her an she most cried she were so happy. So her an Mom day both said it was meant to be dat da air cornditioner died an day had to moof eberyting, oderwise Mom2 would neber hab nosed her treasures was under da bed. So dat's what happened an now eberytin is back to normal an eben better an da stoopid door is closeded agin! But Mom2 is happy and cool as cool can be, so I guess dat's what counts.
Atom: Yeah, but it sure were a crazy day! An poor Mom, she jus clapsed an fell asleep afterwards. An me gab her a full furrin when she woked up, to tell her what a good Mom she is. But me wishest day would leab dat door open!
Emily: Me too!
Cat Chat 05-21-01
The Trick Door
Atom: Mom started on her bangin an noise makin stuffers agin last night. She jus seem to lub to do dat stuffers! She were whistlin and singin...Mom2 said she sounded like most beans who is waterin flowers. Mom don't water flowers much, she's not furry good wid plants, she says. But she lubs to do what she call da "handyman ting." Only she's a handywoman bean! Heehee!
Emily: Yeah, Mom is a queer bean, fur sure. But den, both da Moms is kinda odd eben fur beans, I meow. They's jus plain nuts mosta da time.
Chester: That's what makes them fun! I'd hate to own boring humans, wouldn't you?
Atom: Well, yeah, but dis noisy handywoman ting what Mom does most always is trouble, like when she put the glass things ober my windows. An dis project weren't much better, only it's furry interstin but sorta mean too, me meows.
Emily: I gots to agree. What she's done is furry fasten-atin, but it's like da Moms are teasin us now. Course, I guess Mom had to do something after da thing wid da air cornditioner an Mom2 not getting no fresh air in dat bedroom atall. Plus da hinges on da door were getting all bent real bad an Mom2 pulled a muscle tryin to close it. Ub course, she could jus leab it open an I wouldn't mind atall, but she won't do dat, so Mom did dis oder ting.
Dinky: How come da hingys gots bended? Me doesn't nose what a hingy be, but it seem like whateber day is da shouldn't get bended so as Mom2 gets hurt.
Chester: I agree, they shouldn't. The hinges are the things that hold up the door and make it open and close. But we live in a trailer, and the people who make trailers use the cheapest materials they can. Mom is always complaining about that, even though this trailer is made better than our old one. With Mom2's bedroom door about to fall off, Mom decided she better get some new hinges and put the door back up so it works properly. She did it all by herself--it was neat watching her. She was so happy doing it. Like Atom said, she was singing and humming. She got some thick books to prop up the door to the right height and put on four brand new hinges. It was kind of amazing--she knew exactly what to do. I'm quite proud of her, and Mom2 is thrilled. Now her door opens and closes with ease.
Emily: Yeah, she would be happy bout dat, an I guess it's good dat Mom can fix such tings an not hab to pay some strange man bean to do it. But I still woulda rather Mom2 jus leab her door open instead. An but dat weren't da end of all da bangin an fixin atall. Mom had big plans bout what to do so as Mom2 could hab us not get in an still be able to get fresh air an da house air cornditionin to get into her room. See, Mom goes to dis place dat's called Home Depot alla time. She jus lubs it dar. She says when she was little, Grandpa bean used to take Mom to Sears ebery Saturday, an Mom she were jus fasten-ated by alla tools an stuffers. An too, Grandpa showed her how to do fixin stuffers. She says she was his last chancet at habin a boy so she gots to do all da fixet learnin.
Chester: Lots of women can fix things, but I guess that's a good reason to start learning. She was talking to Mom2 about how her drill bits were getting dull and she really needs new ones and Mom2 mentioned these titanium drill bits she's seen on TV and you should have seen Mom's eyes light up, like they were talking about getting her a new computer or something. She really loves tools. Mom2 got her a little coping saw and Mom was thrilled. She's already used it a bunch.
Dinky: Beans does like da strangest stuffers, me meows. Me doesn't unnerstan it atall. Me's tink da Moms would want mousies to pway wid, not noisy tool tingys!
Atom: What would da Moms do wid mousie toys? Day like bean tings, not cat tings! Silly kitten!
Dinky: Otay, ifn yous say so, but me can't mgine why no one wouldn't want mousie toys. Day be funnest tings. Anyways, doe, what do all dis hab to do wid Mom goin to dat Homer Depon pwace? Dat part eben make less sense dan beans not likin mousies!
Emily: It's what she brought home from Home Depot that it has to do with. She brought home a trick door, she did! An I doesn't like it atall!!
Atom: Me doesn't eider. It's jus not fair atall! It were one ting to fix Mom2's real door, cause me guesses she needed dat, but da trick door is jus teasin us an it's mean, me meow!
Chester: I don't think the Moms meant to be mean. They just wanted Mom2 to be able to get fresh air in her bedroom without you cats getting in there and making fur everywhere and stealing things.
Emily: Stealin tings? Who steals ting? I neber steal nothin from da Moms. I's a good bootiful girl, I is.
Chester: Well, you might not steal stuff, but you do make most of the fur around here. Although Atom is getting pretty furry himself now that he's getting bigger. But both of the boys steal things.
Atom: What! We doesn't do nuttin! What does we eber steal?
Chester: Let's see...slippers, socks, towels, washcloths....
Dinky: But dem tins is toys! Pwaying wid toys isn't stealin. It's jus habing fun!
Chester: It may be fun for you, but Mom2 gets tired of having to look all over the house for her slippers. And besides, she has pills lying around her bedroom table and the Moms know you boys would poke around in them and maybe eat one and get sick. So they have to do something to keep you all out.
Emily: I nosed it were all da fault up dem monsters! Tails and claws, ifn it weren't fur dem I'd be able to get into mom2's bedroom alla time!
Chester: Not unless you let Mom shave you bare, you big fuzzball! Heehee! But really, I heard the Moms talking about this for a week or so. Ever since the air conditioner in Mom2's bedroom died, in fact. Mom was thinking about taking the storm door that they hardly ever use off of the deck...you know the one that is always back against the deck wall? But Mom was thinking it was so heavy and the bottom is sharp and it only has a screen on the very bottom. So she decided when she went to Home Depot to get hinges she would look at screen doors. And she found one that was just perfect. It's wood and has screen all the way up and it's real real light an it was cheap too! She was thrilled when she brought it in!
Atom: She bout sceered me to deaf when she brought dat big ting in! Me didn't nose what it were, but me nosed it were trouble!
Chester: Oh, you're scared of everything lately! You're going through some weird phase, that's for sure! Anyway, Mom had gotten hinges for the new screen door too and as soon as she finished fixing the hinges she put up the screen door right outside Mom2's bedroom door and put on latches so now Mom2 can leave the main door open except when she sleeps and you cats can't get in.
Emily: Yeah, dat's da tricky and mean part. We can see in but we can't get in! Beans shouldn't ought to be keeping doors closed on us anyways! It's one ub da big rules ub being owned by cats. But to put up a door what we can see thru an not get thru is jus way too much!
 Atom: Me's tried to jump an catch dat latchy ting but it jus won't budge atall. It' not fair dat web's hab to stay outside da door an smell an see everything an not be able to get to any ub it!
Chester: Well, it make not seem fair to you cats, but it's wonderful for Mom2. She gets to have nice fresh cool air in her bedroom and it makes her happy. Don't you want her to be happy?
Emily: Yeah, but I'd rader us be happy too!
Dinky: Me tinks dat maybe sometime us bein happy an da Moms bein happy jus can't alays happen one at da same time, yous nose what me means? Me means, mosta da time da Moms do lots to make us happy, but sometime day hab to do stuffers jus fur dem. Me nose it not da cat way, but somehow it seem only fair.
Chester: Huh! You know, the kid makes sense, amazingly enough! I guess it is sort of fair for the Moms to do some stuff just to make them happy...even if we do own them.
Emily: Humph! I jus tink day neber got trained right, is all! Dat's what I tink!
Atom: Maybe not, but me bet me can get dat latchy ting undone ifn me tries hard nuff. Heehee!
Cat Chat 05-29-01
Mewburty
Chester: Atom is going through a phase that is driving the Moms crazy. At least, we hope it is a phase.
Emily: I tink he's jus weird! He's alays been weird!
Dinky: Atom's not weird! He's my friend an lotsa fun, eben ifn he do chew on me a lot a lot. Um, what's a phase?
Emily: It's a thing dey use on dat show Mom watches alla time, "Star Trekkin."
Chester: Heehee, no that's a phaser. A phase is a period of time where a person acts differently than they used to and then after a while they go back to being like their old selves. That's what is going on with Atom, we think. He's just not acting like his old self.
Emily: Well, thank God fur dat! He's not tryin to attack me alla time like he used to. Only some ub da time. An he's calmed down considerable.
Atom: Hey, yous all is talking bout me like me isn't eben here! Dat's not nice! An me's not weird an me's not goin true any sort phaser!
Dinky: Yeah, he no phaser, he my furfriend! (Dinky jumps on Atom and starts chewing on his ear)
Atom: Hey, stop that! (Atom stalks off and mopes)
Chester: See what I mean? Atom never used to mope. He was always such a happy-go-lucky kitty. Now he mopes and pouts all the time!
Emily: Like I said, he's a lot calmer...heehee!
Chester: Moping is not being calmer. Mom2 says he's clinically depressed. She's half kidding, of course, but he isn't acting at all like the happy kitten he was. He doesn't want to be picked up and loved on, and he doesn't give Mom the full face furring love sessions every time she wakes up anymore either. He does it sometimes, she says, but not much, and she misses it. Of course, I know where some of his odd behavior comes from: he's copying Emily.
Atom: Me don't copy Emily! Me don't growl an stuffers!
Emily: Yeah, what can yous be thinking? He don't act nothin like me! He's a monster kitten! I's a queen!
Chester: You are the queen, no one is disputing that. But you pout. All the time.
Emily: I doesn't pout! Humph! Of all tings, saying I pouts! Yous is an uppity nasty dragon yous is! (Emily walks away and collapses on the floor with her back to them)
Chester: See? You're pouting now!
Emily: No I's not! I's jus being da queen an ignorin yous!
Chester: That's pouting. You never used to pout. You only started when Mom brought Atom into the house.
Emily: Well, an does yous tink I habed no good reason to pout ober dat? Claws an Tails! I had dis nasty monster kitten to put up wid alla time. An I didn't get da Moms' uninvited tention. I didn't mind when day paid tention to Harry, but dat kitten were a different story! I never likes it when day pay tention to him.
Chester: So you pout.
Emily: So? Maybe I do. But I hab good reason fur it, I meow!
Chester: And Atom, who hasn't had anyone to really teach him how to be a cat except you, has learned to pout too.
Atom: Me does not! (pouting)
Chester: Atom, you copy nearly everything Emily does, except the growling. You even do the beautiful act for the Moms. And you tail talk just like her too. I know you learned to pout from her. What I don't understand is why. I can understand Emily being mad about you and then Dinky coming into the house...
Emily: Yeah!
Chester: But what do you have to be mad about?
Atom (shifting uncomfortably): Well, lotsa tings. Like Emily growlin at me alla time. An she used to habed started to pway wid me sometime, when da Moms wasn't watching, but since Dinky came she won't do dat no more, she jus growls an looks at me an Dink real mean. An den da Moms lub all ober Dinky, an me's not sure me likes dat atall.
Chester: But you love Dinky! I know you do, you have such fun together and you're always hanging around together.
Atom: Yeah, me lubs to pway wid him, when me wants to, but it's him alays hangin round me, not da oder way round. He eben steals my basket, an or comes up in it when me's in dar an after while me gets sick ub bein squished and leabs. Me lubs him, but he's a pain in da tail too, lotsa da time. An anyways, Dinky is my toy, an it's ok fur da Moms to lub all ober me, when me wants to be lubed on, but when me is round me wants alla dar tention. Me hab to share eberyting elset wid da Dink, me shouldn't hab to share da Moms too!
Emily: I feels da same way! I's da only cat bootiful nuff to get lubed on by da Moms. Yous oder tings is jus...tings!
Chester: So you're jealous of each other! Sheesh! The Moms have enough love for all of us, don't you know that?
Emily: Dat's what yous tink cause yous a stupid dragon, but any cat nose dat yous just don't share beans. We needs alla our beans' lub alla da time, ifn we wants it, an eben ifn we doesn't, we doesn't want it gibed to some oder cat!
Atom: Right!
Chester: You cats are absolutely ridiculous! All cats don't pout. Mom says she's never had cats that pout like you two. Anyway, I still say the Moms have plenty of love for all of us and you need to get over being jealous. But pouting isn't the only odd stuff Atom is doing.
Atom: What else does yous tink me's doing?
Chester: Well, it's more like what you're not doing. Like not doing the full face furring love treatment to Mom when she wakes up. And not playing Jump From The Dresser anymore, and not wanting to give the Moms sugar. What's that all about?
Atom: Well, me doesn't nose fur sure. Jump From The Dresser isn't as fun as it used to be an, well, me doesn't nose. Me jus wants to do what me wants to do when me wants to do it, not when da Moms want me to do it.
Dinky: He's goin true mewberty.
Chester and Atom together: What???!!!
Dinky: Mewburty. Me heared da Moms talking bout it. They says dat when a bean child gets to be a teenager, like Atom be now, day only wants to do what day wants to do an day doesn't want any tention cept when day want it cept but day want alla da tention alla time too all at da same time. An day can't make up dar minds an gets bored wid stuffers what day used to like an just act like poops. An dat's what yous sayin Atom be doin, so he be goin true mewburty.
Atom: Me is not! Me's jus tired ub eberyting sometime a lot.
Dinky: Isn't dat what me jus said?
Chester: Well, well! That makes a lot of sense! Yes, I can see that that would account for all of Atom's strange behavior. But what is Emily's excuse? Heehee!
Dinky: Oh, she jus a growly ole b...(runs as Emily swats him).
Emily: Shut up, yous! I's da Queen an dat's all yous needs to know!
Chester: Boy, I hope you two get over yourselves soon. All this pouting and grumping around is getting annoying. I hope you don't start pouting, Dink.
Dinky: Me's too busy habing fun to pout. (jumps on Atom again)
Atom: Go away! (shakes Dinky off and stalks off)
Emily: Don't eben tink bout it, mini-monster! Hiisssssppitttt! (Dinky backs off) Chester: Sheesh! What a household!
Cat Chat is © 1999 - 2007, 2008 Ariel, Emily, Atom, Dinky, Harry, and Chester the Dragon. All rights reserved worldwide. This column may not be reprinted in part or whole without express permission of Ariel. Poetry Corner
“The June Sun” 6.01.01
by L. E. Shaffer © 2001 L. E. Shaffer June the summer of
Our lives upon us
Ripples sparkling on
The calm, marbled sea Surface reflecting, shimmering
The brilliant sun ringed by
Haloed clouds peacefully
Moving across the rainbow sky Flashing diamonds afar
Across heaven's expanse
Sporting mangroves on
Yon breathing horizon And we live this
Life floating on
The endless years
Reaching with arms Wide open smiling
Eyes full of stars
Upon yonder sea
Wrinkled mirror mosaic But a starry reflection
Filling our imagination
Warming the soul
This June sun This summer by
The bedazzled sea
Gentle waters fertile
With subtle life © 2001 L. E. Shaffer Hockey Puck
This has been another great sports month. The best is the Stanley Cup finals of the NHL. The Colorado Avalanche and the New Jersey Devils are battling it out for the world championship of professional hockey. I hope Ray Bourque wins his first cup in 22 years. The NBA sports the Philadelphia 76ers versus the Los Angeles Lakers, but for the most part basketball is a bit boring, even with Shaq and Iverson. Tiger Woods has won his fifth of six tournaments recently. Isn't he the cat's meow? Jeff Gordon won a race just this weekend and NASCAR continues to dominate. The Indy 500 was entertaining. How did you like that winner climbing the fence in celebration? The NFL will be gearing up soon to start their on field wars soon. My only disappointment was that Sarah Fisher wrecked her car so early in the Indy 500 race. Well, there is always next year. That is the sports scene this month! Guest Articles
We have several articles by Jackie. As always these articles are copyrighted respective artists listed. Jackie: Jackie provided us a crossword puzzle -  ACROSS: 1. Of time; worldly, not spiritual. (8)
7. Know or learn without conscious reasoning. (6)
8. ... Chaney (1883 - 1930), horror film actor, famous for playing
villains. (3)
9. Narrow, secluded valley. (4)
10. Yellow variety of aluminum silicate used as a gem stone. (5)
11. Slender, towering structure flanking an entranceway. (5)
14. Image; figure; representation. (4)
17. River in NE China and Russia, part of the international border. (4)
19. Leguminous tree bearing pods used for fodder and human food. (5)
21. Garden fence or hedge set in a ditch so as not to obscure the
view. (4)
23. Large, flightless bird, now extinct. (4)
24. Inert gas constituting one percent of the atmosphere. (5)
25. Baglike net worn at the back of a woman's head to hold her hair. (5)
27. Female red deer, in or after its third year. (4)
28. Meadow; grassy field or pasture. (3)
29. Enrico ...... (1873 - 1921), famous Italian operatic tenor. (6)
30. Admirably uttered. (4,4) DOWN: 1. Transference of thought. (9)
2. Single large block or piece of stone. (8)
3. Designating any chemical compound containing carbon. (7)
4. Cotton fiber used to make yarn. (4)
5. Idealized place, state, or situation of perfection. (6)
6. Effervescence. (4)
12. Very foolish or stupid person. (5)
13. Second largest island in the world (after Australia),
capital, Nuuk. (9)
15. One whose behavior is considered ungentlemanly. (3)
16. Movement of head to indicate agreement. (3)
18. Republic of EC Asia, capital, Ulaanbaatar. (8)
20. Last Moorish king of Granada. (7)
22. In Greek mythology, the god of the winds. (6)
25. Thin, narrow strip of wood, metal, etc. (4)
26. Single-masted ship with lateen sail, sharp prow, and raised
deck at stern. (4) PREVIOUS PUZZLE'S SOLUTION: ACROSS: 2. Enigmatic 7. Garb 9. Marjoram 10. Adagio 11. Terrine 14. Prim 16. Tea
17. Karst 18. Employ 19. Brie 21. Emanate 23. Opiate 24. Orthodox 26.
Kant 27. Expedient DOWN: 1. Madder 3. Nemo 4. Major 5. Tor 6. Campeche 8. Begum 11. Terse 12.
Ease 13. Ivor 14. Penelope 15. Iota 16. Taut 19. Brink 20. Intent 22.
Aloud 23. Oxen 25. Tap Sincerely,
Jackie Copyright 2001 Jackie The Mountains of Ao
Tears from Ao and three poetry collections, Pages of Life, Visions of Life, and Moments of Life are available electronically at http://RunesofAo.com/aobp/. The Runes of Ao project, The Mountains of Ao novel currently on chapter 15 of 22, and the The Book of Kalian Mysticism poetry collection are all works in progress. Also a collaboration with K. Young on a novella called Dragon Embers is now published on the webzine called The Outer Rim and the fan site known as Runes of Ao. The Dull Stuff
Inputs and letters to this journal are subject to approval by Ebony and Abby. Submittals may be edited for content and become the property for the one-time nonexclusive publication of:
Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company
Merchant Occupational License #48210-0076151
PO Box 501833
Marathon FL 33050-1833
(305) 743-9648 voice/data/fax
Internet URLs: http://RunesofAo.com
http://RunesofAo.com/aobp/
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http://RunesofAo.com/abby/
Publication date: May 28, 2001
Author: L. E. Shaffer
Company: Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company &
Shaffer Internet Publishing Company
© 1995 - 2007, 2008 L. E. SHAFFER
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